What Happens When Dad Takes Charge of the Kids?

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When my partner, Jake, suggests I take a break—whether it’s to indulge in some shopping, treat myself to a manicure, or enjoy dinner with friends minus the little ones—it’s always a delightful escape. As a stay-at-home mom, I relish the chance to don something other than yoga pants and step into the world outside my front door. However, the aftermath of my absence often turns into a hilarious and chaotic treasure hunt. I can never quite fathom how things spiral out of control when Jake is in charge, but the surprises I find upon my return are nothing short of astonishing.

Here are some of the recent oddities I’ve uncovered after a day away from my home:

1. Both kids are dressed, which is a win, but their outfits are either inside-out or two sizes too small. Strangely enough, no one seems to mind. They act like wearing clothes that way is the norm. Spoiler alert: it’s not!
2. Three plastic balls are bobbing in the toilet. I’m guessing Jake was helping our 2-year-old, Charlie, practice his throwing skills, but clearly, a few balls made it past the playroom without detection.
3. I found a pair of my underwear tucked inside the instant oatmeal box. Seriously, why was Charlie in the pantry unattended with my underwear? Some mysteries may never be solved.
4. One of Charlie’s green shoes was found next to the milk in the fridge, containing a used tissue. How on earth did that happen?
5. A dirty diaper, perfectly folded, was hidden under the couch, emitting a pungent odor that was quite shocking. We’ve been teaching Charlie to help by throwing the diapers away post-change, but I guess he got sidetracked.
6. The TV remote was unresponsive, and to my frustration, I discovered it was missing batteries. Apparently, someone decided to “borrow” all the batteries while I was gone.
7. While sorting through my dirty laundry, I stumbled upon a lime green truck, a red Corvette, and an orange Porsche—all tiny model cars. Jake must not have even attempted to do laundry since he likely doesn’t know where the hamper or laundry room is.
8. When I reached for an apple in the fridge, I found bite marks on every single one. Seems like Charlie took a few nibbles, but gave up on the orange. At least he kindly left it for others.
9. As I changed into my workout clothes (which I had no intention of actually working out in), I discovered a package of thick-cut smoked hickory bacon nestled among my sports bras. Not sure what to make of that one—though bacon does sound tempting right now.
10. I found a bright blue Easter egg in one of my shoes, containing what appeared to be half of a Chick-fil-A nugget. This is my firstborn’s idea of a surprise egg. If you’re unfamiliar, YouTube shows you what to expect—but you might regret it!
11. There was pretend food stashed throughout the living room, some hidden in candle holders and lanterns. One plastic bagel was stuck to the wall with neon pink Play-Doh. Where was Jake during all of this?

I appreciate my moments of freedom, but these quirky surprises always leave me pondering—what exactly was Jake doing while all this unfolded? Exploring vintage cars? Gaming? Or was he right beside Charlie, encouraging his little escapades? I’d wager on the latter. They’re quite the pair!

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Summary:

When I leave the house for a little personal time, the aftermath of my husband Jake watching the kids is always a mix of chaos and comedy. From inside-out clothing to unexpected items in strange places, the surprises that await me are endless. Despite the madness, I cherish my brief moments of freedom while wondering what adventures Jake and the kids embark on during my absence.