I never felt any urgency regarding kids until just a few months before my wedding. Holding my niece for the first time stirred something inside me, and suddenly, it seemed like everyone wanted to know: “When are you going to have kids?” Little did I know how often I’d be faced with that question. While I often wish I could express my true feelings about it, I usually just smile and give a polite, rehearsed response. Here are nine things I wish I could say to those who keep asking me about starting a family:
1. To My Cherished Friends and Family
Please stop inquiring about when I’ll be giving you a grandchild, niece, nephew, or cousin for your little ones. I know you’re excited, and trust me, I am too! I dream of the day I can share wonderful news about being pregnant, but every time I see you, I feel the need to conjure up excuses for why it hasn’t happened yet. While playing with your kids makes me think of my own future family, the innocent comments can sometimes make me feel less than enough.
2. To Those Who Think I’m Prioritizing My Career Over Family
Every day at work is a step towards my future, not a way to avoid having children. In fact, I’m doing the opposite! I’m working hard to earn and save money for when we decide to start a family. I know it’s common to see women choosing careers over kids, but I’m not just part of that narrative.
3. To the Ones Who Say ‘You’re Too Old’ or ‘Your Biological Clock Is Ticking’
Thank you for your unsolicited concern about my age and my biological clock. Your comments have led me to search things like, “Is 27 too old to have a baby?” Rest assured, I’ve had thorough discussions with my doctor, and my biological clock is just fine.
4. To Those Who Want an Explanation
I often think about you, especially before social gatherings. I prepare for the questions I know you’ll ask. Responses like, “We’re waiting until my partner finishes school,” or “We want to save money,” haven’t sufficed. I’ve even bluntly said, “I’m on birth control and not planning to stop anytime soon.” Please stop asking; I don’t ask for a timeline of your life, so why should you expect one from me?
5. To Those Who Call Me Selfish
At times, I agree with your assessment. Yes, I am selfish for wanting my husband to focus on his studies and work rather than juggling a baby. I am selfish for wanting to have a comfortable financial cushion before starting a family. Is there anything else you’d like to point out?
6. To Those Who Say I Should Have Kids Because Everyone Else Is
I remember my mom telling me, “If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?” It’s a good thing my friend didn’t have social media, or I might have followed suit! It’s easy to get swept away by what others are doing. While those cute baby pictures on Instagram are tempting, I prefer to wait.
7. To Those Who Think I’m a Failure
There are nights I lie awake feeling like a failure. I hope that when I finally hold my baby, I won’t feel like a failure for wanting the best for them. Just because I’m not currently trying to conceive doesn’t mean I don’t think about what’s best for my future kids.
8. To Those Who Don’t Know What Else to Discuss
Please ask me about my goals, recent adventures, my job, or even my breakfast! Anything is better than asking when I’ll have kids.
9. To Those Who Are Clueless
I’m not struggling with infertility, and I empathize with those who are. The truth is, I don’t even know if I can have kids because I haven’t tried yet. However, every time someone asks that difficult question, it stings. I can’t wait to be a mom; it’s a dream of mine. For the sake of all women who share this dream, please be considerate and choose your words wisely. You never know what someone might be going through.
If you want more insight into the journey toward becoming a parent, check out our other blog post on intracervicalinsemination.com. Additionally, for those looking for practical solutions, you can explore Make a Mom’s artificial insemination kit. If you need information on infertility, the CDC’s resource is excellent.
In summary, while the question of when I’ll have kids may come from a place of love, it can be intrusive and painful. I wish we could talk about other topics that bring joy, understanding, and connection without the pressure of parenthood looming over us.