The moment my 2-year-old daughter, Lily, decided she was done with her three-hour naps, my world changed. That peaceful pocket of time I relied on for silence vanished, much like a bridge collapsing. While I anticipated this change, I never fully grasped its impact until I found myself drowning in exhaustion.
Some say depression is just anger turned inward, and I completely resonate with that sentiment. When frustration arises, I often remind myself that others have it far worse. This guilt weighs heavy on me, silencing the cries I want to release. “You shouldn’t feel this way,” it whispers. “Other parents have it tougher.”
Sure, my toddler has stopped napping, but some moms aren’t even home during those precious hours. As a stay-at-home mom, I should feel fortunate, yet I often feel like I’m barely holding it together. Sleep is elusive; my infant son, Max, is teething fiercely, and Lily occasionally wakes up at 4 a.m. for breakfast. My mornings, which should be productive, slip away as I hit snooze until 8 a.m. instead of rising early to pursue my interests. By the time nap rolls around, my eyelids feel like lead weights.
I long to be like those inspiring entrepreneurs whose success stories often begin with early morning routines. But here I am, feeling like a failure, unable to manage my own life. My anger festers inside me, growing heavier by the day.
The house is usually in disarray, and I desperately wish my husband, Jake, would pitch in with cooking and cleaning. He works tirelessly to support our family, coming home drained from a long day. He manages the cars, takes out the trash, and even deals with the AC units—all without complaint. I feel guilty for getting frustrated at him for missing bedtime cuddles, so I stifle my anger.
To carve out some “me” time, I often resort to turning on the TV for the kids or setting up a game. But as soon as I sit down to catch a breath, they either climb into my lap begging for attention or start bickering. It’s hard not to feel resentment when Jake unwinds after work while I’m left to entertain the children. I realize how selfish that sounds, especially when I know many friends are single parents. Yet, that anger still finds a way to fester inside me.
I think about my child-free friends who can easily escape to a cozy coffee shop with a good book. My dream of those quiet moments feels so far away. With two little ones under three, getting out requires a complex process—diaper changes, shoe and coat wrangling, packing snacks, and ensuring I’m dressed before wrestling them into their car seats. By the time we’re finally ready, I feel like I’ve run a marathon, and the entire excursion takes much longer than it should.
I wouldn’t classify myself as clinically depressed, but I’m learning to express my frustrations instead of punishing myself for feeling this way. One positive step I took was deleting my social media apps, which helped clear some mental space. More importantly, I’ve started praying and communicating my needs to Jake instead of maintaining a facade of everything being fine. I even shared this article with him first. After a particularly exhausting day, I found solace in writing down my feelings. When I finally showed him what I had written, he embraced me and thanked me for being open.
I’m still navigating these feelings, caught somewhere in between. I completely understand why many moms feel overwhelmed by depression. When moms talk about the joy of a hot shower or how coffee is their lifeline, they aren’t exaggerating. Parenting is a beautiful yet challenging journey. Sometimes, it doesn’t take extravagant gifts or getaways to feel appreciated. A simple afternoon away from the kids or a hot meal that requires no cleanup can make all the difference.
Think about a mom in your life. Reach out with a phone call, text, or even a handwritten note. Let her know she’s doing an amazing job. If she brushes it off, jokingly threaten to show up with a milkshake.
This article was originally published on Jan. 1, 2016.
Summary:
Being a stay-at-home mom can be both rewarding and overwhelming, especially when dealing with feelings of exhaustion and guilt. The article explores the challenges of managing daily responsibilities while navigating personal frustrations. It emphasizes the importance of self-care and communication with partners, encouraging support for mothers in their daily struggles.