As a mother of six years, I’ve noticed a growing trend among parenting circles that makes me quite uneasy—bordering on infuriating. Some moms wear their perspectives like a trophy, proclaiming their progressive values and boasting about their open-mindedness. But they are missing the mark.
The notion of colorblindness is not a remedy for racism; it’s a companion to it.
A couple of years ago, while waiting for my daughter’s preschool class to be released, I witnessed a scene that stuck with me. A young boy dashed out, eyes gleaming with enthusiasm, and exclaimed, “Mom! There are brown kids in my class! Three brown kids!” His mother’s reaction was swift and harsh; she shushed him, her face a mask of panic as she glanced around to see if anyone overheard. The boy appeared bewildered—was he wrong to be excited? Why wasn’t she equally thrilled?
That same year, after attending a Christmas Eve service, my family and I went to a nearly empty restaurant. A young girl, about five, wandered over to our table, intrigued by my two-year-old and the newborn in my arms, with her rich brown skin.
“Hi,” she said, reaching out.
“Hi,” I replied, anticipating her next question.
“Are those your kids?”
“Yes,” I confirmed, noticing her parents suddenly aware of her absence.
The little girl scrutinized us, clearly wanting to ask more but uncertain how. Her parents, however, sat frozen in shock, failing to encourage her to return. So, I decided to clarify. “My kids are adopted. Do you know what adopted means?”
She listened intently.
“They came from another mommy who couldn’t take care of them, so we take care of them now.”
Then, she posed one of the most thoughtful questions I’ve ever heard: “Do they see their other mommies?”
“Yes,” I said, “we visit their other mommies.”
“My baby brother uses the same bottles as your baby,” she remarked, and I noticed her parents relaxing at the change of topic. Her father called her back to their table.
Similar encounters have happened time and again. From a boy at the park questioning how I could be the mother of my black children, to a cashier wondering if my caramel-skinned son was really mine, to another child asking if my daughter and her black classmate were siblings just because they shared skin color. Each of these children was thirsting for honesty.
Parents must recognize that brushing aside their kids’ inquiries about race—or any significant topic—is the best way to confuse and mislead them. Children are perceptive; they sense when adults are avoiding the truth. Evading questions creates an atmosphere of distrust and uncertainty, which is the opposite of what healthy relationships embody.
When you promote colorblindness instead of sharing authentic experiences, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel, you’re overlooking a crucial aspect of your children’s identities and denying them the opportunity to recognize, appreciate, and celebrate diversity.
So the next time your child points out a family that doesn’t match, or expresses joy in having a friend who looks different, or asks those challenging questions about race—take a moment. Breathe, sit down, and share some honest dialogue.
For more on how to navigate these important conversations, check out this insightful blog post on intracervicalinsemination.com. You can also find helpful information at makeamom.com and factsaboutfertility.org.
In summary, open communication about race is essential for fostering understanding and acceptance in children. Ignoring or shushing their questions only perpetuates confusion and misinformation. Embrace these moments to educate and enlighten them about the beauty of diversity.