The phone call started like any other with my close friend.
“Hey! What’s on your agenda today?”
“Not much. Just tackling laundry and the usual. What about you?”
“Same here. Work, work, and more work.”
After a moment of easy banter, my mind began racing, trying to figure out how to ask her something important. She sensed my hesitation, knowing that our friendship allowed for these deeper discussions.
“Do you… Is Oliver… um, how would you feel if you found out Oliver is sexually active right now?”
There was a brief pause. Oliver is her eldest son, nearly 17—just a year and a half older than my son. She has a lively household full of teens, just like mine. We often turn to each other during parenting crises, and I needed her humor and insight more than ever.
“Honestly? He already is, and has been for some time.”
Now it was my turn to be speechless. I hadn’t known that, and I was at a loss for how to process this news or what to ask next.
“I’m fine with it, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Now I was really taken aback.
“You are? I mean, I know I’m not a prude, and this is typical for their age, but how do you come to terms with that?”
She chuckled lightly. “It’s funny, I remember talking about this with you last year. You were the one giving me advice about being open and realistic.”
I recalled those conversations vividly, feeling confident in my approach to navigating such topics. But now that it was real, I felt like I’d been blindsided. Was I a hypocrite? Did I really believe what I preached, or was I just pretending to be the cool mom?
“No, I’ve addressed this with my kids. We’ve had those talks already. I know I handled it right; I just need reassurance that I’m not losing my mind here.”
That’s why I cherished this friend—she always seemed to know exactly what I needed without me having to spell it out.
“Look, it’s not that I’m thrilled about it, like I encouraged him to go out and experiment or anything. I’m just at peace knowing I’ve taught him about safety and responsibility. Now, all I can do is hope he remembers what I’ve said and makes wise choices. And yes, I still worry—constantly. You’ll have those doubts and fears too.”
“What do you do when that happens?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
“I remind myself that worrying is part of being a mom. If I didn’t worry, I wouldn’t be doing my job. I know I’ve done everything I can to prepare him, and now it’s about letting him make his own decisions, even if they’re not what I would choose.”
While it all sounded good, I was acutely aware that my calm theories were crumbling. “I’m not sure I can think clearly right now. What happened to my confidence? I thought I was ready for this.”
“Because you’re a mom, and a really good one at that. Trust yourself. Take a deep breath. Imagine it’s someone else’s child. What would you tell me to do?”
“I’d say we need to talk it out before the kids come home, obviously.”
“And that’s exactly what we’re doing now. You don’t have to have the conversation with him tonight. Give yourself time to process. Think about what you want to say, maybe even jot it down. Practice if you need to. Just make sure you’re calm when you finally talk to him.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. I love you for this.”
“I know. Just think, it could be worse—we could be handling this like our parents did, which clearly worked so well.” We both laughed at that absurdity.
“Now go take a breather or something. You’ve got this!”
“Okay.”
“Love you!”
“Love you too.”
As I hung up, I took a long, deep breath, preparing myself for the conversation ahead. I could do this. I would do it right, and hope that it would be enough.
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Summary:
Navigating teenage relationships can be daunting for parents. In this candid conversation, Jamie shares her feelings of surprise and anxiety upon learning about her friend’s son being sexually active. Through mutual support, they reaffirm the importance of open communication, parenting instincts, and the inevitability of worrying as moms. The article emphasizes the need for preparation and calmness when addressing sensitive topics with teenagers.