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Experts often highlight the advantages of family dinners, but let’s be honest—they can be a logistical nightmare. We’re embracing a new approach.
Recently, my partner’s birthday happened to fall on the day of a long-awaited school carnival. Three of our kids spent the night face-painting, bouncing around, and devouring pizza, while another child was at a friend’s bowling party. By the time we all reconvened in the kitchen, we were exhausted, needing baths, and definitely too late for a traditional family dinner. However, it was a birthday celebration! Instead of our usual “fancy dinner,” where the kids meticulously set the table and choose the best cup for the guest of honor (the green one, of course), we gathered around the kitchen island. The older kids perched on stools, the youngest comfortably settled on the counter, and we joyfully sang over an apple pie decorated with 39 candles—my partner prefers pie over cake, which is a topic for another time. We cheered as he made his wish, and as we enjoyed our pie, I listened to our three-year-old excitedly recount the magician’s tricks from the carnival. It struck me then that even if family dinner turns into apple pie past bedtime, it still fulfills its purpose.
The benefits of family dinners are well-documented: enhanced communication, improved manners, healthier eating, and teamwork, among others. Research has shown that family meals positively impact children’s health—think better grades and reduced depression. At the core of it all is connection. Yet, sometimes life’s demands—play practices, hockey games, and violin recitals—mean we can’t gather around a pot roast at 6:30 PM. I’ll happily take every family dinner I can get; I never tire of hearing about the day’s ups and downs. But on those days when dinner isn’t possible, I’ll gladly settle for breakfast, lunch, snacks, or dessert because what truly matters is togetherness. Sharing a meal with family, disconnected from technology, fosters a bond that’s irreplaceable. As Walt Whitman eloquently put it, “We were together; I forget the rest.”
While dinner is often seen as the pinnacle of family meals, especially since everyone is home to reflect on the day, we shouldn’t overlook family breakfasts. For one, there’s far less contention at the breakfast table over strawberries and French toast than there is over broccoli and salmon (who can blame them?). Although breakfast may not offer a whole day to reminisce about, it presents new opportunities. What are you looking forward to today? What’s making you anxious? How can we support one another in facing the day ahead? Sharing breakfast is a meaningful alternative because it upholds the ritual of togetherness.
In my childhood, we each had our designated seats, responsibilities (like floor sweeping and dish duty), and a commitment to family dinners at least five nights a week. My brother was required to wear a shirt, and cloth napkins were a must. I’m certain we even had a bread plate. Once my siblings went off to college and it was just me and my parents, I began to dread family dinner. Yet, my parents persisted, and I’m thankful they did. Although I can’t cook like my mom and our family now relies more on frozen nuggets than gourmet meals, I understand the importance of sitting down together. Nowadays, as my children face both familiar and daunting challenges as they approach their teenage years, I’ll keep family dinners in my toolkit. Research shows that family meals can help mitigate the effects of cyberbullying, among other benefits. So, how vital are family dinners? The answer is very. But I also wonder, can we prioritize family breakfast instead? I believe the answer is yes. If we gather and share a meal without distractions, it doesn’t matter if the sun is shining or if it’s already set. Just last week, as my family enjoyed apple pie at the kitchen island, we may not have been a picture-perfect scene—one child still had face paint resembling a zombie skeleton—but it’s the memory I’d choose to frame anyway.
About the Author
Hannah Smith writes from her home in Charlotte, North Carolina, where she balances writing and raising her children. Her work has been featured in various publications, including Family Life, Urban Nest, and Food & Family. Beyond family, her passions include local hiking trails, a good book, and—most importantly—a great story.
This article was originally published on May 12, 2022.