Parenting
The Overwhelming Burden of Tidying Up
by Jamie Parker
Jan. 14, 2016
Guess what I unwrapped this Christmas? Yep, you guessed it! It’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. I can only assume some well-meaning relative, perhaps a mother-in-law, thought it was the perfect gift for me. You know the smile I’m talking about—the one that hints at her endless patience for my messy ways. But really, should we all strive for a tidier home? Nudge, nudge, right?
I picked up Marie Kondo’s book mostly out of curiosity. What kind of magic was she peddling? Did it involve a team of tiny elves neatly following my kids around, picking up toys and reminding them not to grind snacks into the carpet? Because that sounded like a dream come true. Or maybe she had a secret technique to convince my partner that holding onto every broken gadget we’ve ever owned wasn’t necessary. As I dove into the book post-holidays, I was searching for a little breathing room from the clutter.
Initially, Kondo’s ideas seemed practical. According to her KonMari Method, every item in your home should have a designated spot. We all need to declutter. Toss the excess. Sounds easy enough, right? I even imagined garbage bags filled with old toys making their way to the curb. But soon, things took a bizarre turn—like that quirky relative who won’t stop talking about the benefits of crystals.
I tried to persevere. But when I arrived at the part where Kondo suggests you should bring your shampoo and soap into the shower with you every time, thanking them for their services, I nearly lost it. Who has time for that? It became painfully clear that the author lives in a completely different reality than I do. Here are a few of her suggestions that might seem charmingly absurd or perhaps a tad unrealistic—you decide:
- Socks shouldn’t be bunched together; it tires them out. They need their rest after a hard day of keeping your feet comfy.
- Off-season clothes shouldn’t be tucked away. They deserve to be loved year-round, or they might get sad.
- Empty your handbag every time you get home, sorting items into a specific box before repacking it all to leave again.
Seriously? I know Kondo lives alone, and maybe kids in Japan are more disciplined than American ones, but must I really treat my belongings like they’re people? Absolutely not. The daily challenge of caring for my family has me stretched thin enough without adding the pressure of meeting my possessions’ “expectations”—which, frankly, feel judgmental and overwhelming. My three-year-old already thinks she monopolizes all my time; sorry, boots, you’ll have to wait your turn.
Kondo repeatedly emphasizes that to decide what to keep, you should hold each item, close your eyes, and ask yourself if it “sparks joy.” If it does, keep it; if not, toss it. The KonMari Method has some significant flaws. If I followed it, I might end up throwing out all the toilet paper and at least one of my children, and we know that wouldn’t end well.
So, here’s a thought: perhaps Kondo should try my methods for determining what sparks joy and report back:
- Comfort a child covered in vomit from a midnight flu episode in the shower, then explain why they have to go to school smelling like that because you couldn’t grab the soap without a spare hand.
- Calmly tell your partner that you threw away his vintage magazine collection because they didn’t spark joy for you—not even a smidge.
- Attempt to gather the essentials for your handbag while your toddler decides they belong with her “treasures,” and you’re already late for work. Where did she hide that stuff? Under her bed, maybe? Good luck.
If Kondo can navigate a day of tidying up my chaotic household and still find joy, I commend her. I eagerly await her next bestseller, The Secret to Getting Your Kids to Stop Leaving Their Clothes on the Floor. Now, that would truly spark joy for me!
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