20 Reasons Why This Mom Is Choosing a Cozy Night In

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Let’s be real—my 30s are a far cry from the wild adventures of my 20s. Sure, every day with kids has its own brand of excitement, but it’s often accompanied by sticky fingers and messy hair. Back in the day, thrilling evenings included mountain biking through muddy trails. These days? Last Tuesday’s excitement involved chasing a potty-training toddler to prevent yet another couch mishap. By the end of the day, I’m completely drained, and venturing out doesn’t sound appealing at all. Here are 20 reasons why my mom’s night out—whether solo or with my partner—just isn’t happening tonight:

1. I can’t find a babysitter who’s smarter than my little ones.
2. My favorite pair of heels hasn’t fit since welcoming my first child.
3. The “messy hair” look is no longer trendy.
4. While the thought of going out sounds delightful, the reality feels like a chore.
5. Most of my shoes are currently occupied by a brigade of tiny My Little Ponies.
6. My go-to jeans are out of the question because my post-baby muffin top launched the button into oblivion.
7. Shark Tank has a marathon tonight.
8. I’m simply exhausted.
9. It’s my partner’s turn for bath duty, and I’m relishing a few blissful seconds of silence before helping with the inevitable flood of bath water.
10. We need a full tactical plan just to sneak out of the house without alerting our toddlers.
11. Slippers don’t quite cut it for a night on the town.
12. We’ve forgotten how to enjoy a meal without someone squirming under the table.
13. Getting to the garage requires navigating an obstacle course of toys, clothes, and snack remnants.
14. Wine at home is a steal at $4 a bottle—who can resist?
15. Asking family for a few hours of childcare usually elicits a “sorry, I’ve got the plague” response.
16. Most of my makeup is either missing or buried under a pile of crayons.
17. Restaurants like Olive Garden don’t provide cozy couches and fleece blankets for diners.
18. My partner nodded off in the middle of Go, Dog, Go!
19. We’ve forgotten how to enjoy a warm meal while seated.
20. It’s 7:45 p.m., and I’m already dressed in my pajamas.

Maybe someday I’ll get a chance for a mom’s night out again, but not tonight. The allure of Shark Tank reruns, combined with popcorn and boxed wine, is far too tempting. Plus, I think I just sat in someone’s pee.

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In summary, sometimes the best nights are the ones spent at home, surrounded by family and the chaos of daily life.