Parenting
By Must Be This Tall To Ride for Home Insemination Kit
Updated: Feb. 3, 2016
Originally Published: Jan. 21, 2016
When it comes to conversation topics, discussing “private parts” ranks pretty low on most people’s lists, right? Let’s be honest—it’s not a subject one eagerly anticipates. It might be amusing online, but real-life discussions about anatomy can feel more like a nightmare, especially when your kindergartener’s school staff looks at you like you’re raising a future candidate for their fictional “Future Offenders Club.”
As someone who prides himself on being a decent conversationalist, I usually enjoy a variety of topics. But the subject of male anatomy? Not on my agenda. For instance, I dread discussing Pokémon with my son, who seems to have an endless supply of trading cards filled with terms I can hardly comprehend.
But as a parent of a boy, the inevitable “talk” about bodies was on the horizon. One day, while having fun in the school bathroom, my son decided to expose himself just as a teacher walked in. Cue the chaos! His teacher, principal, and even my partner, who is usually pretty relaxed, were understandably alarmed.
This led to an important meeting between my partner and his teacher about appropriate behavior. I want my son to thrive academically and socially, which includes learning that showing his private parts isn’t acceptable. While it’s a basic lesson, it’s essential for his future.
After a few previous talks during bath time about acceptable behavior concerning his body, it was clear I needed to revisit the topic after the school incident. Here’s how that went:
The Talk
Me: Do you know what a penis is?
5-year-old: No.
Me: What do you call your privates?
5-year-old: Privates.
Me: What else?
5-year-old: My peep.
Me: That’s right! Just like how we call farts “toots” to make it sound nicer. The real word is “penis.” Can you say “penis”?
5-year-old: Pee-nis.
Me: Great! Do you remember getting in trouble at school this week?
5-year-old: Yes.
Me: What happened?
5-year-old: I didn’t follow directions.
Me: Correct. What did you do?
5-year-old: I don’t know.
Me: Yes, you do. Mom was upset. You need to talk to us when things go wrong. Now tell me what you did.
5-year-old: I did unpublic things. In public.
Me: Did you just say “unpublic”?
5-year-old: Yeah.
Me: What did you do?
5-year-old: I showed my privates.
Me: Why?
5-year-old: Because everybody was goofing around.
Me: So, you were the only one?
5-year-old: Yes.
Me: Did you dance and sing?
5-year-old: No.
Me: Good. Now, when is it okay to take your penis out of your pants?
5-year-old: I don’t know.
Me: You can figure it out. When is it okay to be naked?
5-year-old: When I go potty.
Me: Exactly! And when else?
5-year-old: When I’m taking a bath.
Me: Right again! There’s one more time. Any guesses?
5-year-old: No.
Me: When you’re changing your clothes.
5-year-old: Okay.
I continued to explain why it’s important to keep his private parts to himself. I even pointed out that showing them in public could lead to serious consequences, like going to jail—a concept he grasped swiftly.
Eventually, after a few more questions and giggles, my son promised he wouldn’t expose himself again. Hopefully, this conversation put an end to his little escapade!
While he may grow into a quirky adult with a fondness for cats and no grandchildren, at least I won’t have to navigate the conversation about private parts again.
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In summary, tackling the tricky subject of private parts with children can be a daunting task, but it’s crucial for their understanding of boundaries and personal privacy. Through open dialogue and playful discussions, we can help them learn what is acceptable and what isn’t.