A decade ago, I discovered I was expecting my first child, and what a whirlwind the last ten years have been! The journey has been filled with its fair share of highs and lows, challenges and delights, and if I listened to the myriad of so-called “parenting gurus,” I’d find myself burdened by the weight of countless “mistakes.”
As a new mom, every misstep felt monumental—especially my choice to stop breastfeeding early on. I want to clarify that I wholeheartedly support a woman’s right to breastfeed, as it can create a powerful bond between mother and child. However, my experience was vastly different. I managed to breastfeed my first son for an agonizing six weeks, and I didn’t enjoy a single moment. In fact, my resentment towards breastfeeding contributed to my postpartum depression and affected my ability to bond with my baby.
Deciding to quit breastfeeding was a challenging choice, laden with feelings of guilt and shame. Society tells us that we should put our children’s needs above our own, promoting the mantra that “breast is best.” For many, this holds true, but for me, it wasn’t the right fit. It took time, but by the time my second son arrived three years later, I confidently chose not to breastfeed at all.
Do I admire women who find joy in breastfeeding? Absolutely! But, as Amy Poehler wisely put it, “Good for you! Not for me.” I also disregarded several other “rules” during my early parenting journey. Recognizing my need for rest, I sleep-trained my son at just a few months old and maintained a strict nap schedule, often rushing home to avoid a less-than-ideal car nap.
I also took hundreds of photos in my son’s first year. While some might argue that it distracted me from motherhood, those photos provided a necessary escape from my postpartum struggles, helping me to cope and heal.
Now that I’ve moved past the baby years, my “mistakes” have evolved. I occasionally let a curse word slip in front of my kids, reminding them that knowing when to use certain language is an important skill. I allow my 9-year-old to sleep with a blankie and suck his thumb, reasoning that a little comfort is worth the potential orthodontic bills down the line. Ironically, I find myself taking fewer photos these days, worrying that I’m not capturing all the precious family memories. Yet, I remind myself that I’m living fully in those moments, preserving them in my own way.
Probably the most criticized aspect of my parenting is my tendency to raise my voice. I yell when my kids bicker, when they dawdle while getting ready, and when their noise levels escalate. I know yelling isn’t ideal and that it would be more effective to respond calmly in those moments. But I’m already feeling guilty enough without the added weight of expert opinions reminding me of my shortcomings. Yes, I raise my voice, but I also apologize and engage in conversations with my kids about it, teaching them that parents have emotions too.
In today’s world, it seems everyone has a strong opinion on the “right” way to parent. We’re bombarded with conflicting advice from doctors, psychologists, and fellow parents, often leading to feelings of guilt and regret. What one parent deems a mistake might be a valuable lesson for another. After all, there are countless ways to express love and nurture children.
Throughout this decade, I’ve undoubtedly made my share of mistakes—haven’t we all? And I’m certain I’ll continue to make them as long as I’m a parent. But perhaps regret shouldn’t be one of those mistakes. Maybe these so-called mistakes are simply stepping stones on our journey. Perhaps what we perceive as errors are actually opportunities to trust ourselves and relish the beautiful chaos of parenting.
For those looking for more insights on family planning and pregnancy, I encourage you to check out this excellent resource on Intrauterine Insemination from the Cleveland Clinic, or explore ways to boost fertility supplements at Make A Mom.
Summary
Over the past ten years of parenting, I’ve faced challenges and made choices that some might label as mistakes. From my decision to stop breastfeeding to the way I handle my children’s behavior, I’ve learned to embrace my journey without regret. Each experience, whether seen as a mistake or success, has helped me trust myself and appreciate the wild ride of parenthood.