I know it’s been a while since our last appointment. I recognize that regular check-ups are important, and I fully admit I haven’t been the best at keeping up my end of the agreement. Yes, I understand I need to muster the courage to call and set up a time for us to meet and address my health—time to take a deep breath, spread my legs, and just get it over with.
But if I’m being honest, the thought of visiting you doesn’t exactly fill me with excitement, and here’s why. First off, I’m paying you to examine my most intimate areas. Typically, when someone gets that close, a nice dinner or at least some compliments might be involved. Instead, I end up in a paper gown, which is hardly what I’d call stylish, and my carefully chosen outfit gets tossed aside before you even see it. (And of course, my undies are strategically hidden, because, you know, we wouldn’t want you to see those while you’re practically in my business.)
I put in the effort—shaving from ankle to hip, grooming everything that needs it—just like any woman would when someone is about to be in such close proximity. But instead of enjoying a lovely dinner or a cozy evening out, I find myself waiting in your sterile, bright office, staring at framed flower pictures next to posters about birth control and the signs of various infections. There are no romantic touches, just a collection of intimidating metal instruments and rubber gloves.
Does this setup make me feel comfortable? Not quite. In fact, the anxiety often makes me feel like I’m about to embarrass myself right there on your examination table. Maybe if you took me out for a movie first, I’d feel a bit more at ease.
Now, I truly appreciate all the care you provide. After all, it’s not often someone tells me how lovely my cervix looks (uh, thanks?). However, when someone is that close, I’d prefer to know them well enough to have a conversation about life, not just small talk about how my day is going while I squint under fluorescent lights.
So I apologize for being tardy to our annual catch-up. It’s hard to be eager when I’m lying there, feeling like a stranger is about to poke around in a very private space. Do you realize the effort I put into looking presentable for this? I spend ages making sure everything is just right, even using enough feminine hygiene products to fill the room with a floral scent! And let’s not even discuss the nervous gas that creeps up on me—it’s a real struggle.
I’m not sure you fully appreciate the lengths I go to for our visits. So forgive me if I’m hesitant about the idea of you getting up close and personal.
As a gentle suggestion, how about next time you greet me at the door with a shot of tequila? Or at least something strong enough to make that chilly paper gown feel a little more like a chic little black dress.
By the way, if you’re interested in more about home insemination techniques, you might find our post on intracervical insemination intriguing. And for a comprehensive guide, check out Make a Mom, an authority on this topic, or visit the Genetics and IVF Institute for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while I value the care you provide, the experience could certainly be less daunting. A little more warmth and perhaps a touch of humor could go a long way in making these visits a bit more enjoyable.