As my 3-year-old son, Luke, navigates the world of potty training, he has taken to roaming around the house without clothes (he clearly has a strong aversion to them!). Between his frequent trips to the potty, splashing his superhero Legos in the sink, and enthusiastically collecting stickers for his potty chart, he has started to ask a myriad of questions about his body.
“Mommy,” he inquires with genuine curiosity, “when will my penis turn into a vagina?” Some of his questions make me chuckle, while others are more direct, like inquiries about his scrotum, where poop comes from, and why his dad has hair near his penis. While these topics might make some parents uneasy, I see them as vital opportunities to educate him about his body.
I aim to answer his questions as clearly and honestly as possible, tailoring my responses to his level of understanding: “No, sweetie, you won’t grow a vagina. Boys have penises, and girls have vaginas.” I explain, “Your poop comes out of that little hole at the back,” and “Daddy has hair there because that’s a normal part of growing up.” When he asks what the testes are for, I build upon a previous discussion about how babies are made: “Remember when I told you that a little piece of mommy and a little piece of daddy come together to create you? Well, your testes are where the little daddy pieces are made, but you won’t start making them until you’re older.”
While some explanations can be complex, I do my best to simplify them. We have several books—some designed specifically for kids and others that cover reproduction in general—that he loves to explore. His fascination with things like the journey of sperm and eggs, and how cells multiply to form a fetus, is evident as he eagerly requests more reading time each night.
I view this early discussion as planting seeds (pun intended!). I want to ensure that the “sex talk” doesn’t feel like an awkward, one-time conversation but rather an ongoing dialogue that evolves as my children grow. I believe in fostering an open understanding of bodies and sexuality right from the start, ideally when they show interest, which for both of my boys has been around the age of two. They naturally want to know where they came from, what their private parts are called, and how everything works. I don’t shy away from the facts or gloss over the important aspects; I present the information in a straightforward manner, much like explaining how flowers bloom or how to bake cookies.
It’s often the adults who feel uncomfortable discussing these topics, not the kids. Here are some key reasons I prioritize these conversations at a young age:
- I want to instill a sense of body respect in my children, helping them feel comfortable in their own skin. Given the early onset of body shame these days, even for boys, this is crucial.
- I aim to teach them to respect the bodies of others, which is essential in developing healthy relationships in the future.
- It’s important for them to know that they can talk to me about any inappropriate touching, should that ever arise. I want them to understand that I’m a safe person to approach, and there’s no shame in discussing such matters.
- I want them to receive accurate information from me and my husband first, rather than learning about it from peers, media, or the internet, which can often present skewed perspectives.
- Finally, I want them to know that as they grow older and seek answers about sex, they can always come to me for guidance. While I understand that teenagers may want to explore these topics with friends, I want them to feel secure asking me for advice whenever they need it.
By now, my 9-year-old son, Jake, has a solid understanding of bodies, sex, birth, and even menstruation. I recognize there will always be nuances to clarify as he approaches puberty. When I mentioned writing this article about starting these conversations early, I asked him what he thought about our family’s approach.
He said the pros are that it makes him smarter, while the cons are that it might be gross. I laughed and asked if he really found the subject gross. “Nope,” he replied. This exchange reassured me that he sees the natural workings of our bodies as perfectly normal.
As for Luke, he may still be grappling with the idea that his penis won’t magically transform into a vagina, but we’re making progress. I’ll just have to stifle my laughter the next time he wonders if I have a hidden penis somewhere. For more information on pregnancy, you can check out this excellent resource from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. Also, if you’re interested in boosting fertility, consider exploring supplements from an authority on the topic, Make A Mom.
In summary, starting these conversations early helps cultivate an open and healthy understanding of bodies and sex. It empowers my children to feel comfortable in their skin and establishes trust, making it easier for them to approach me with questions as they grow.