Becoming a parent has turned me into a verbal fountain of nonsense. In the midst of chaos and a whirlwind of emotions, I often find myself saying the most ridiculous things. Instead of taking a breather in my “think chair” to respond thoughtfully, I end up blurting out phrases that leave both me and my kids in fits of giggles. Here are ten gems from my parenting journey:
- “If you don’t head back to bed right now, I’m going to put you back to bed.” Clearly, that’s why they got up in the first place.
- “No one is having cookies for breakfast. Please enjoy your Lucky Charms.” Ironically, each marshmallow probably has just as much sugar as a cookie. So, who am I really fooling?
- “Bathtubs are not for splashing.” Or for fun, singing, or getting wet. I might as well suggest they take a bath without getting wet—what a concept!
- “If you’re not going to learn, I won’t teach you.” Because that’s how early childhood education works—just walk away when they’re struggling with three pegs in Trouble.
- “I don’t hear anyone sleeping up there.” Unless they’re making noise like a freight train, how can one even hear someone sleep?
- “If you don’t buckle up, we’re not going anywhere. We can just sit here all day!” Truth is, we can’t sit around all day. I haven’t had a moment to just sit since my first child was born!
- “If you don’t stop crying, I’m going to give you a reason to cry.” A classic, but perhaps the silliest thing ever. They’re already crying, so what’s the point?
- “It’s just a piece of lettuce. It won’t hurt you.” Unless they fling themselves back from the table and hit their head. Then, I’ll be the quiet one!
- “Keep it up, buddy. Keep it up.” What does this even mean? Seriously, why do I say this?
- “You know what?” And then I trail off, because in that moment of frustration, I just can’t find the words—not today, not tomorrow, not ever!
My little ones are now old enough to giggle at my verbal missteps. Honestly, who can blame them? I often sound like a total goofball. One day, I’m sure I’ll hear one of them whisper, “Keep it up, Mommy. Keep it up.”
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In summary, parenting is filled with moments of both joy and absurdity. The things we say can be downright silly, but they also remind us of the lightheartedness that comes with raising little ones. Embracing these goofy moments helps us navigate the wild ride of parenthood with a smile!