I pride myself on being incredibly determined. In fact, I might be one of the most resolute individuals around. I don’t see this as a flaw; rather, it’s a strength that keeps me grounded. When I commit to something, I follow through. This dedication has enabled me to be consistent and dependable in various aspects of my life, including parenting.
When I began my journey as a mother, I outlined a list of commitments—things I would embrace and things I would avoid. I’ve largely adhered to these principles, and I take pride in that. I promised my children limited screen time, and they stick to it. I vowed they would be adventurous eaters, and they are! I even said they would sleep in their own beds, and since they were just six weeks old, they have done just that. For several years, I navigated motherhood effectively, but then, I stumbled.
While I was expecting my daughter, I came across a powerful blog post emphasizing the importance of never allowing your children to hear you criticize your own appearance. The author shared how her perception of beauty shifted the moment she overheard her mother belittle herself. This resonated deeply with me, and I resolved not to let my daughter hear me speak poorly of myself. However, that commitment faltered recently.
Every year on her birthday, my daughter and I take special pictures together, capturing our growth and changes. These moments are precious, and despite my discomfort in front of the camera, I cherish having these memories. This year, while reviewing a photo, I accidentally muttered, “Oh, I’m just so ugly.” Before I could catch myself, my daughter innocently asked, “You’re ugly?”
I wish I could take those words back; unfortunately, once spoken, they linger. In that moment, I stammered, “Oops, Mommy didn’t mean that,” but I know she will eventually recognize the truth behind my words.
I’m not here to preach about transforming self-perception. Truth be told, I have never been completely satisfied with my appearance, whether it’s my scars or my features. What I truly want is to break this cycle. I don’t want my daughter to hear me label myself as ugly and then face the reality of others saying, “You look just like your mom.” That sends a confusing message.
Even if I struggle with body image, I must shield my daughter from those negative thoughts. I have a limited window to instill in her the belief that she is beautiful, helping her navigate the societal pressures of perfection. As she grows and her peers begin to influence her self-image, all I can do is hope that I’ve nurtured her self-esteem with positive reinforcement instead of undermining it through my own insecurities.
I am committed to ensuring she never hears me call myself ugly again.
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In summary, as parents, we must be mindful of the messages we send to our children, especially regarding self-acceptance and body image. It’s a challenging journey, but one that is crucial for fostering their confidence and well-being.