My first child was nearly 8 weeks old when I finally recognized that he was colicky. Having limited experience with infants, I didn’t know if all babies cried as much as mine or if I was simply failing at motherhood. No matter how loud I sang, how energetically I danced, or how rhythmically I rocked him, the tears kept flowing. He cried for what felt like forever, and it was relentless.
But that didn’t make me a bad mother; I wasn’t failing. My son was perfectly healthy, and, as it turned out, we were just navigating the challenging waters of colic—something many families experience. Knowing I wasn’t alone gave me a sense of empowerment to keep dancing, even though my little one had been crying for what felt like an eternity.
When my second son arrived, I finally understood why some other moms looked at me strangely when I spoke about the endless hours of crying and the brief naps my baby would take. They had easier babies and had no idea what it was like to struggle through every moment. It was like discovering a completely different world.
For those of you who have never cared for a colicky baby, allow me to offer some friendly advice on what not to say to moms dealing with this situation. Trust me, these women have endured months of stress and exhaustion, and you really don’t want to ruffle their feathers. Here are 20 things you should keep to yourself:
- Have you considered insert cliché parenting advice? Oh really? I’m supposed to feed him when he’s hungry? Wow, groundbreaking!
- I’m so tired today; I only got six hours of sleep last night. Six hours? That sounds like a luxury vacation! I can’t remember the last time I slept more than an hour at a time.
- Excuse me, but could you quiet that child? I’m sorry, are we disturbing the couples dining at TGI Fridays on a Tuesday afternoon? Just wait until I whip out my snacks—it’s going to be a show!
- Did you catch the latest episode of your favorite show? The only thing I watch these days is YouTube videos of Liza Minnelli on repeat, just to keep the baby entertained.
- Are you feeling alright? You look a little pale. If you ask a new mom this, you might want to run; she might be too exhausted to chase you.
- When was the last time you had a shower? Was it a Tuesday? Or was that last month?
- Enjoy these moments; they grow up fast. Want to babysit for a while?
- Just wait until he’s two! That’s super encouraging. Why not just kick me in the shins while you’re at it?
- Have you tried cutting gluten from your diet? Please don’t take away my cookies; they are what keep me sane!
- My kids never cried like that. Lucky you! I hope you never hear that from me again!
- Can you watch my kids for a bit? Sure, because if you haven’t experienced crying in stereo, you haven’t really lived yet!
- It takes a village… but not today; I have a squash game. Please, don’t even go there.
- Thank goodness those days are behind me. I’m not sure if you’ve just added salt to my wound, but it feels like lemon juice too.
- He’ll grow out of it… eventually. Right now, a few hours feels like a lifetime. A few months? That’s an eternity!
- Childbirth doesn’t seem so bad now, does it? I’d take contractions over a sleepless night any day!
- I remember when my baby cried for an hour straight. Oh, that’s nice. I’ll just close my eyes for a moment while you share your horror story.
- I hear exercise helps with fatigue. You know what else combats fatigue? Sleep!
- Why don’t you post more pictures on social media? Because who wouldn’t love seeing babies with puffy eyes and snotty noses?
- My parents are staying with us for two weeks. You must be joking, right?
- Wow, he never cries when I’m around. Then he’s all yours!
I hope these tips help you navigate conversations with moms of colicky babies more gracefully. Some may seem exaggerated, but I assure you, I’ve heard each of these at least once. That said, it’s not all doom and gloom with colic. There are a couple of lovely things you can say that will be music to their ears: “Let me hold the baby” and “Go take a nap.” Ideally, say them in that order!
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In summary, navigating the world of a colicky baby can be challenging, but with the right words and understanding, we can make the journey a little easier for mothers experiencing this tough phase.