It’s 1:30 a.m., I’m 30 weeks along, and sleep feels like a distant dream. My little one has been active, but I’m grateful that my journey toward motherhood has begun, especially since the insemination worked on the first attempt. Having always felt a calling to be a mom, I decided to embrace the path of single motherhood when my relationships didn’t pan out. What I didn’t foresee were the unsolicited comments that would come my way.
1. “Isn’t it unfair to choose a life for your child without a father?”
I often wonder how many mothers have faced this reality without the option to choose. Yes, I longed for a traditional family setting, but today’s families come in all shapes and sizes. My daughter may not have a father, but she will have incredible role models in her life, including a fantastic grandfather and two supportive uncles. While it might not be the conventional route, the quality of relationships matters more than the structure of a family. When I think about the alternative of having one of my exes as her dad, I’m confident that our chosen path will be just fine.
2. “I’m so sorry.”
This comment came from a few friends and family members, their eyes conveying a mix of pity and concern. They seemed to think my decision was a desperate one, as if I was resigning to a life devoid of happiness. Interestingly, two of my past partners reached out with similar sentiments, reflecting on how they could have treated me better. But here’s the truth: I am thrilled and unchanged. I’ve always wanted children, and I simply took a different route to get there. Their guilt is theirs to bear.
3. “You do realize what happens to girls without dads, right?”
Oh yes, the age-old stereotype! It’s amusing how some assume that an absent father dictates a child’s future. My plan is to raise a confident, strong girl who knows she was wanted and loved—her biological father was just a nice contributor. I’ll teach her that while she may not have a dad in her life, she will have plenty of positive male figures to look up to. Just like children without siblings don’t miss having them, she won’t miss what she doesn’t know.
4. “You have no idea what you’re getting into!”
Absolutely true! Who really knows what parenthood entails? From my time on parenting forums, I’ve learned that every parent, whether single or coupled, is navigating an unknown journey. We plan and prepare, but at the end of the day, no one has a foolproof roadmap. So, dear friend with kids, your attempt to warn me is noted, but I relish the idea of making decisions about my daughter’s name, her schooling, and her routine without needing to consult anyone else. Yes, challenges await, but I feel ready for them.
5. “Ha! Good for you! You’ve talked about wanting kids forever!”
When I finally decided to tell my father about my journey, I spent days crafting the perfect message, worried about his reaction. I asked him for a moment before he responded, unsure if I could handle any immediate disapproval. Surprisingly, his reaction was one of support, and that was my favorite unsolicited comment.
Why am I here, writing at this hour? Because this journey has empowered me to stand firm and brush off unhelpful remarks. I’ll need this resilience as my daughter grows and starts asking questions about her family structure. Writing serves as a reminder of my motivations. Ultimately, others’ opinions matter little, and I’m ready to embrace the adventure of motherhood.
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this resource. For those considering the process, Make a Mom provides excellent tools. And for a comprehensive understanding of pregnancy, this link is a fantastic resource.
Summary
Choosing to become a single mom by choice is a deeply personal decision often met with unsolicited remarks. From concerns about a child’s father figure to assumptions about future challenges, these comments can be frustrating. However, the journey empowers women to embrace their choices and navigate motherhood on their own terms, supported by chosen family and friends.