It’s been nearly a dozen years since I tied the knot, and the topic of my last name still perplexes friends, family, and colleagues. Despite its unwavering presence, people often hesitate on how to address me. Should they use my husband’s surname? A blend of both our names? Or a completely new variation?
In this day and age, it still raises eyebrows when a woman opts to retain her maiden name. I’ve been asked countless times why I made this choice and how it might affect my children. Some women have approached me, uncertain if my husband is upset about my decision, while men have boldly declared they would never permit their wives to keep their original names. What’s all the fuss about? To me, it’s quite straightforward: I cherish my name and intend to keep it. No offense to my husband or anyone else. I simply see no valid reason to alter it.
1. Marriage Doesn’t Mean Losing My Identity
I married my partner because of the love and respect we share; we complement one another perfectly. Why would I want to give up my identity in favor of his? I don’t aim to become more like him. Our unique differences contribute to our strength as a couple, and our names are part of that individuality.
2. My Name Represents Who I Am
My name has been my identity for as long as I can remember; it reflects my history, background, and the reputation I’ve built. Why should I discard it just because I fell in love? I wasn’t a “maiden” waiting to be rescued; I was a woman with my own story—equally significant as my husband’s. Why is my name seen as expendable?
3. Tradition Isn’t Always Convincing
One of the most common arguments against keeping my name revolves around tradition. “It’s how it’s always been done,” they say. But just because something is traditional doesn’t mean it’s sensible. We have countless traditions, from Thanksgiving turkey pardons to other less savory practices, that aren’t necessary to uphold.
4. Different Last Names Don’t Diminish Family Unity
We are all distinct individuals. My husband has his heritage, I have mine, and our children have a hyphenated surname that reflects both our names. Just because we don’t all share the same last name doesn’t lessen our family bond. In fact, it’s easier to explain to our kids why their names are hyphenated than to justify a single family name.
5. I Don’t Expect Him to Change His Name
I wouldn’t ask my husband to adopt my last name or alter it in any way, so why should I be expected to do so? If both partners agree on a name change after marriage, that’s wonderful. But if neither feels the need, then why impose a change?
6. My Husband Is Supportive
One of the things I appreciate about my partner is his laid-back attitude. He never pressured me to take his last name or even brought it up. He’s secure in our relationship, and my choice of surname doesn’t affect our bond.
7. The Hassle Isn’t Worth It
Changing my name involves a lot of administrative work—from driver’s licenses to social security. It seems excessive, especially considering how many people go through multiple name changes due to marriage or divorce. By keeping my name, I avoid the hassle and maintain consistency.
8. Preserving My Surname
My grandparents had sons, and those names have continued. But as my generation includes more daughters, maintaining my surname becomes important to me. It’s essential to me that my lineage is preserved, just as much as my husband’s.
9. Defying Expectations
There’s something empowering about challenging traditional norms, especially when there’s no strong reason to conform. Ultimately, this is my choice, and anyone who disagrees is free to make their own decisions.
For those still puzzled, let me clear it up: I didn’t transform into a new person when I married. My identity remains intact, and I likely wouldn’t have chosen a partner who had issues with my decision to keep my name. For better or worse, this woman kept her name.
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Summary
In summary, my decision to keep my last name after marriage stems from a desire to maintain my identity, heritage, and independence. I believe that marriage should enhance our individuality rather than erase it. Each of us has our own unique history that deserves recognition.