“It takes a village to raise a child” is a saying many of us are familiar with. In a traditional village, your mother, aunts, friends, and the local midwife surround you with support. They deeply understand those exhausting early days filled with sleepless nights, cracked skin, and the overwhelming challenges of postpartum recovery. These women know you personally, offering advice brimming with empathy and warmth.
Welcome to the Information Age. We’re more connected than ever, yet often feel isolated from our traditional support systems. Why reach out to a friend for guidance when you can just Google your concerns? Struggling to understand a rash or worried about your milk supply? Just type it in! However, be warned: online searches can be as likely to terrify you as they are to provide helpful information.
Perhaps it’s time to reconsider that circle of supportive women. While small villages may no longer exist for many of us, the modern solution lies within Facebook moms’ groups. For countless new mothers, these online communities serve as a replacement for those brick-and-mortar support systems. With a few clicks, you can access a treasure trove of advice without ever leaving your couch or picking up the phone to call Aunt Gladys. Sounds great, right?
At first, it can indeed be a lifesaver. Post your worries, and you’ll likely be comforted by a chorus of virtual voices reassuring you with messages like, “You’re doing amazing, Mama! That’s perfectly normal!” It’s a comforting experience.
“Just some eczema! Lots of babies deal with it. Try coconut oil after baths.”
“Six wet diapers a day? Your baby is definitely getting enough milk. You’ve got this, Mama!”
“Looks like cradle cap. If you’re breastfeeding, rub a little milk into his scalp a couple of times a day.”
Before long, you might notice that breast milk and coconut oil are the go-to solutions for everything! Eye infection? Breast milk. Mysterious rash? Coconut oil. Baby’s first sniffles? You guessed it—breast milk. Annoying family members? Coconut oil! Flat tires? You know the drill.
In a matter of weeks, you’ll find your rhythm as a new mom, frequently turning to your Facebook group for advice, support, and sometimes just to connect. You might even start offering your own tips, which can be incredibly fulfilling.
However, as time goes on, you may begin to notice some less-than-pleasant personalities within the group. If your group has several hundred members, it’s likely you’ll encounter a few characters who can be quite grating.
The Sanctimommy
This mom believes her way is the only correct approach. If you don’t follow her advice, you’re simply wrong. She’ll engage in lengthy debates long after others are done discussing the topic. Typically, she’s the one who only uses cloth diapers, homeschools her kids, and gives others in her niche a bad name.
Dr. Mom
This individual claims to have more knowledge than a team of doctors and often takes an anti-vaccine stance. More often than not, her cousin’s friend had the same issue your child is facing, and their doctor was clueless. What your child really needs, she insists, is a breast milk enema and a regimen of coconut oil—oh, and maybe some herbal remedy she sells through a multi-level marketing scheme.
The Trigger Alert Mom
This mom finds offense in nearly everything and feels the need to alert you. She’ll comment on every thread, demanding trigger warnings before you post your question or photo. She often rallies other members to join her cause, ensuring you know just how insensitive your post is. After all, how dare you discuss your baby’s dislike of carrots when some parents in the group have faced serious allergies?
While trigger alerts can serve a vital purpose in discussions about sensitive subjects, excessive use can cheapen their significance. So take a breath, TAM; it’s just a rash!
The “I Thought We Were All Women” Mom
This mom is shocked to discover a man in the group. Regardless of whether he’s a stay-at-home dad or a single parent seeking community support, she’s dismayed that he might have seen her previous posts about personal issues.
To combat these challenging personalities, don’t hesitate to utilize Facebook’s “Block” feature generously. It’s a far more effective solution for your mommy group frustrations than coconut oil and breast milk combined—plus, it’s much less messy!
If discussions in your group leave you feeling annoyed rather than supported, don’t hesitate to leave. You don’t need to announce your departure; just move on. You’ve already gained what you could from that particular community.
That said, I’m not suggesting you avoid Facebook parenting groups altogether. They can be incredibly empowering and a source of valuable information, helping to alleviate unnecessary stress. But if you choose not to engage, rest assured: Just rub some breast milk on it. Or coconut oil. And when in doubt, always consult your pediatrician’s advice nurse.
In summary, while Facebook moms’ groups can provide a wealth of support and information, be mindful of the personalities you encounter within these digital villages. Don’t hesitate to remove negativity from your online experience, and remember that there are plenty of resources available to guide you through your parenting journey.