“Hey Mom! What are you doing in there?” My 4-year-old’s muffled voice drifted toward me from the bathroom door.
“Nothing! Just… umm, nothing! I’m going to the bathroom. Can I have some privacy, please?”
“Well, why are you sitting on the floor reading a magazine then?” The door swung open, and her curious head popped in. I must have forgotten the deadbolt this time.
“I’m just gathering ideas for our pretend beauty shop!” I exclaimed, hastily rising and brushing off my yoga pants. “Now, let’s find those scissors!”
Of course, that was a fib. I wasn’t researching beauty shop ideas; I was simply trying to escape. That morning alone, we had read countless books, pieced together a mountain of puzzles, and played Candy Land until I felt like I was hearing voices. I was in the midst of an imaginary perm when I desperately needed a break.
This game of hide-and-seek has been a new reality since September, when my older daughters started school five days a week. Truthfully, I don’t remember what it’s like to parent an only child. My daughters are 4, 5, and 6 years old, and just when I got the hang of one, another would pop in and say, “Hey, wanna play?”
Sure, there are challenges with three kids so close in age. The fact that my regular dose of Zoloft coincides with grocery shopping is no accident. Yet at home, my parenting responsibilities are largely minimal. I simply open the toy box and call them for dinner, strap on their bike helmets, and see them at bedtime. Together, they build fairy houses, ride scooters, or—let’s be honest—fight like wild animals while I sit on the patio, enjoying some peace with a book.
But this year has changed everything. My youngest goes to preschool three days a week, meaning two whole days are just me and my 4-year-old, and it’s entirely exhausting.
“Sure, once we finish this stack of books, we can read every other one on the shelf fifty times!”
“Of course we can play more! Everyone knows the first fifteen rounds of Uno are just a warm-up!”
“By all means, let’s play ‘Mom Is a Jungle Gym’ again!”
There’s no escape. No “off” button. She stalks me through the house like a lioness, able to sense my presence even through a closed door.
Interestingly, many of my friends with only children express guilt over their decision to stop at one, feeling they took the easy route. Well, good news for those parents! After conducting my own research, you can toss that guilt out the window along with any hopes of sneaking away for a moment of peace in the bathroom during daylight.
That said, despite the challenges, this one-on-one time with my youngest has helped me see her as her own person, not just the little sister in the shadow of her siblings. We do puzzles, work on letters, and have uninterrupted conversations. It’s a strange yet beautiful experience. I find myself envious of parents who get to know their only child in such an intimate way from the start.
The upside is this solo time has motivated me to slow down and carve out one-on-one moments with my other two daughters as well. Not any time soon, of course, but someday—once I’ve had a chance to recharge.
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In summary, while parenting an only child can present unique challenges, it also allows for deep connections and quality time that are often hard to come by in a bustling household.