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I Don’t Believe We’re Built to Parent for Such Long Hours, Alone
In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling a wave of resentment towards motherhood. Every time my little one asks for yet another glass of water, I can feel my irritation rising. When my 3-year-old begs to play superheroes, I find myself slouched on the couch, glancing at my phone in search of a distraction. And when my older son returns from school in a foul mood, my patience evaporates, and I end up raising my voice over the smallest things.
I’ve been pondering the source of these feelings. Is it the lack of sunlight during winter? The specific phases my children are in? Or perhaps the sleepless nights caused by their colds? Likely, it’s a combination of all these factors. However, I’ve realized the primary reason I feel overwhelmed is that my partner has been working long hours lately, leaving me to handle parenting duties predominantly on my own.
I recognize how lucky I am that my husband usually comes home at a reasonable hour. My own mother was a single parent, and I vividly remember her exhaustion after a full day at work followed by wrangling my siblings and me. I don’t mean to compare my situation to that of a single mother or someone whose partner is consistently absent, but I believe that no matter the circumstances, parenting shouldn’t be a solitary endeavor for extended periods.
My husband is a teacher, leaving home at 5 a.m. to prepare for his students. This means I’m on duty from dawn until he returns. While my older son is at school for about six hours, my 3-year-old keeps me company all day. Depending on my husband’s schedule, I’m responsible for the kids for 10 to 14 hours each day.
That translates to up to 70 hours of childcare each week—15 or more meals (many of which are rejected), 5 mornings of hustling cranky kids out the door, 5 after-school meltdowns, countless snacks, a seemingly endless supply of wipes, numerous messes to clean, and a ton of tears (both theirs and mine).
Don’t misunderstand me; I adore my children. Choosing to stay home with them has been my decision, even though it’s the most challenging job I’ve ever taken on. They are bright and inquisitive, teaching me daily about love, acceptance, and compassion.
The routine of motherhood can be alleviated with occasional outings with friends, but coordinating our schedules can be tricky. My mother helps babysit a few hours a week, which mostly allows me to run errands. Hiring babysitters around here can be quite costly, and with only one income, affording outside childcare just isn’t feasible.
What weighs heavily on me is the immense responsibility—this feeling that my kids’ happiness and well-being rest solely on my shoulders. By 4 p.m., I’m completely drained. On days when my husband isn’t home for dinner and bedtime, I start to feel a sense of desperation creeping in, overshadowing the simple joys I should be experiencing with my children.
I don’t believe it has to be this way. It seems we should be part of more tightly-knit communities, where childcare is a shared responsibility among friends and family. Those who work outside the home should have more opportunities to engage in daily parenting tasks.
For many of us, reducing work hours isn’t financially viable—I know it isn’t for my husband. In a society that claims to value family, we should advocate for more flexible work schedules and greater emphasis on family time. Low-cost, high-quality childcare should be more accessible, similar to what can be found in many developed nations.
While I can’t change the world single-handedly (especially with the limited time I have!), I think it’s important to highlight how tough it can be. It’s not our fault that raising families can feel isolating—systemic issues contribute to the overwhelming feelings many experience. We all deserve increased support, connection, and improved family lives.
For my part, I’ve decided it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. If I don’t take care of myself, how can I care for my kids? I aim to reach out more often for companionship, support, and help. I’ll carve out moments for self-care (even if it means giving my kids extra screen time so I can enjoy a long shower). Most importantly, I’ll remind myself to do my best within the reality of my circumstances—and that this phase will eventually pass.
For more tips on family support and connection, check out our other blog posts at Home Insemination Kit. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning more about artificial insemination, you can find valuable information on Wikipedia and explore Make a Mom for expert advice.
Summary:
Parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when faced with long hours and limited support. The author reflects on her experiences while acknowledging the need for community support and self-care. By sharing her struggles and insights, she emphasizes that raising children shouldn’t be a solitary task and advocates for more family-friendly policies and accessible childcare.