6 Essential Insights for Parenting While Coping with Chronic Pain

Having lived with chronic migraines, occipital neuralgia, and thoracic outlet syndrome for seven years, I was aware that my pain would influence my journey into motherhood. However, I underestimated the profound impact it would have on my parenting experience.

I vividly recall a particular night when my son was only a few months old. It was around 3 a.m., and I found myself unable to lie down, move, watch TV, or even read. I was acutely aware that my colicky baby would soon wake and require my attention, but I was overwhelmed by the thought of physically managing to hold him. The intensity of the migraine I was experiencing left me shaking and vomiting, my vision blurred, and tears streamed silently down my face. I desperately wished for the dawn, believing it would never come — yet, both literally and metaphorically, it eventually did.

From that harrowing night onwards, I have gathered valuable lessons about parenting through chronic pain. I hope my reflections can support other parents navigating similar challenges. Here’s what I want to share:

1. You Are Not Alone.

Pain is a deeply personal experience, and living with a chronic condition can often feel isolating. The unique demands of parenting can intensify this loneliness, especially when you’re a new mom dealing with pain. Even with a supportive network, moments of feeling entirely alone can arise. Remember, you are not alone — even when it feels overwhelmingly so.

2. Your Parenting Journey Can Be Different.

The internet is filled with advice, which can be empowering but also overwhelming for new parents. Many assertive voices may lead you to believe that you’re failing if you don’t follow conventional parenting norms. For instance, feeding choices can be hotly debated. Some mothers find breastfeeding convenient, while others, like myself, may struggle to hold their baby comfortably for extended periods. Trust your instincts and find what works best for you and your child.

3. Adapt Your Parenting Style.

Before becoming a mom, I was convinced that babywearing was essential for bonding. I tried it during a grocery trip, and while it was lovely at the moment, I faced a severe pain flare-up that night. I learned that it’s okay to adapt and find alternative ways to bond. Using a stroller allowed me to interact with my son without compromising my comfort.

4. Release the Guilt.

One common theme among parents with chronic pain is guilt. After discontinuing babywearing, I felt regret for not being the mother I had envisioned. Understanding that my ideas of good parenting needed to evolve with my health conditions would have alleviated much of that guilt.

5. Embrace Assistance.

Many mothers may feel the weight of sole responsibility in caring for their child. It’s perfectly acceptable to accept help, whether it’s someone feeding your baby while you rest or assisting with household tasks. Your child will thrive surrounded by loving family, even if you’re not present every moment.

6. Explore Helpful Resources.

When my son was a newborn, I struggled to find out which medications were safe while breastfeeding. After consulting a lactation consultant, I discovered a plan that allowed me to manage my pain effectively. The Infant Risk Center at Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center offers reliable guidance on medications and nursing, while Suzanne Barston’s Fearless Formula Feeder provides support for those who choose formula feeding. Additionally, professionals specializing in chronic pain can provide valuable insight. For further information on pregnancy, the NICHD is an excellent resource.

Being a parent with chronic pain can feel daunting, but with resilience, adaptability, and support, it is possible to navigate the journey. Remember, we moms dealing with pain are incredibly strong.