“Breast is Best.” It’s a constant topic of debate among mothers. I had no idea what the “Mommy Wars” were until I found myself frantically searching online for answers about breastfeeding. Navigating this digital landscape can be intimidating for any mom who feels unsure about her breastfeeding journey.
To give you some context, here’s my candid response to a close friend who simply asked me, “How is motherhood?” after my first week with a newborn.
Exhausting. My little one seems to be permanently attached to me, so much so that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to wear a normal shirt. My husband, Mark, might never want to see them again after this. She flails around like a dog with a favorite toy, and when Mark joked about her drinking strawberry milk, I couldn’t help but snap back, “No, honey, that’s blood. From my nipples. Bloody nipples!” She won’t sleep unless she’s on me, and while she has gas all day long, she refuses to poop. My hormones are a rollercoaster—one minute I’m crying because I finally showered (which I usually avoid), and the next moment, I’m in tears over the lingering smell of breakfast. What is happening?
But then, in those rare moments when she looks up at me with her big eyes, or when my dog, Max, races to comfort her when she cries, or when my older daughter, Lily, unexpectedly kisses her, I realize that my life has changed completely, and yes, I am a hot mess.
Breastfeeding took over my life, not just physically but emotionally too. Her impressive strength and head control made latching a nightmare. It wasn’t just the pain, blisters, and open wounds that made me reconsider the “natural” approach; it was the emotional exhaustion that came with it. I struggled to bond with her and feared she wasn’t connecting with her father. I often felt like I was failing her. Honestly, breastfeeding made me feel disconnected from my own daughter, and that realization left me in tears.
I had promised myself during pregnancy that I wouldn’t stress about breastfeeding. I was formula-fed, and I turned out just fine. Initially, I thought breastfeeding would be a cost-effective way to lose weight. But when the time came to nurse, the pressure to get it “just right” consumed me, and I lost myself in the process.
So, at the two-week mark, I had enough. I tossed the nipple pads, creams, and pumps aside and bought some formula. I mixed up a bottle, and she drank it all—two ounces that made her sleep for three blissful hours. And just like that, I stopped crying. She stopped crying. Mark even canceled his vacation plans. It was the best decision for our little family of three.
Now, I adore my sweet girl like never before. I have no doubt she will thrive. In fact, when she’s off at college someday, enjoying her freedom with friends and surviving on instant noodles, those antibodies she missed out on from breastfeeding won’t matter one bit.
If you’re navigating your own motherhood journey, you might find helpful insights and support in our other blog posts. For more information on home insemination and parenting, check out this excellent resource from the CDC or learn about at-home insemination kits from Make A Mom.
Summary:
Navigating motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when it comes to breastfeeding. Jamie’s honest account of the emotional and physical toll of breastfeeding highlights the importance of self-care and making the right choices for both mother and child. Ultimately, she found that switching to formula was the best decision for her family, allowing her to bond with her daughter and embrace motherhood fully.