In our society, there’s a pervasive belief that a woman’s worth is tied to her ability to bear children. Motherhood is often seen as the pinnacle of womanhood, which can create immense pressure. However, for the 1.5 million married women in the United States grappling with infertility, this expectation can be a cruel reminder of what may never be. Despite advancements in treatment and procedures, the dream of biological motherhood remains out of reach for many.
If you haven’t felt the deep emotional toll of infertility, it can be hard to grasp its weight. But with so many couples navigating this journey, it’s likely you know someone who is experiencing this heartache. Here are some considerate ways to support them:
Avoid Invasive Questions About Family Plans
Please refrain from asking anyone, whether you suspect they’re struggling with infertility or not, about their reproductive intentions. It can feel intrusive, as if inquiring about their “big plans” for their reproductive future. Casual questions about children are one thing, but if someone responds negatively, it’s best to change the subject and let them share in their own time.
Don’t Compare Experiences
If you’ve faced challenges getting pregnant for a few months, please don’t assume you fully understand the struggles of those who have been trying for years. I’ve been on this journey for over a decade, facing countless disappointments and medical procedures. While you might have experienced frustration, I’ve endured the pain of repeated losses and invasive treatments. Each person’s journey is unique and should be respected as such.
Respect Their Choices Regarding Celebrations
If someone chooses not to attend your baby shower or isn’t enthusiastic about your newborn, understand that it’s not a reflection of their feelings towards you. Celebrating your joy can be incredibly painful for someone dealing with infertility. It’s not that they don’t care; they may simply need to protect themselves from the emotional turmoil that such events can trigger.
Keep Unsolicited Advice to a Minimum
When someone hasn’t asked for advice, it’s best to hold off on sharing your suggestions. Many have already tried a multitude of methods and remedies. They’ve often heard every possible tip before and may feel frustrated by the well-meaning but ineffective advice.
Understand That Healing Takes Time
Infertility is not a temporary setback; it’s a deep loss that can linger. It’s not simply a hurdle that can be overcome with time or replacement options. The emotional scars can remain as fresh as the day they were first faced.
Avoid Judgment on Adoption Decisions
Choosing not to adopt is a deeply personal decision, and it’s important to respect that choice. Just as you have your reasons for pursuing biological children, so do they for their decisions.
Be Mindful When Discussing Pregnancy
While you may have your own pregnancy complaints, keep in mind that there are those who would gladly endure the discomfort for the chance to experience motherhood. If your conversation becomes too focused on these topics, it’s perfectly acceptable for someone to step back or change the subject.
Recognize That Other Children Don’t Replace Lost Dreams
While they may have cherished nieces, nephews, or stepchildren, these relationships don’t fill the void left by unfulfilled dreams of motherhood. Each child is loved, but they cannot substitute for the hopes and dreams of having a biological child.
It’s essential to remember that individuals struggling with infertility are not always emotional time bombs; they simply deal with their feelings in different ways. If you want to support someone going through this, just ask what they need. Sometimes, a listening ear or a distraction like sharing a plate of nachos and a glass of wine can be the perfect remedy.
For more resources on this topic, check out Kindbody’s blog or consider insights from Make a Mom. And if you’re interested in understanding more about home insemination, visit Intracervical Insemination’s terms and conditions.
Summary
Being considerate of those facing infertility requires sensitivity and understanding. Avoid probing questions, don’t compare experiences, and respect their choices regarding celebrations and advice. It’s crucial to acknowledge the emotional weight of infertility and offer support in a way that aligns with their needs.