My partner, Jake, rises with the sun every morning, catching the 5 a.m. train to the city where he teaches high school English. When he returns home, I often toss our two energetic little boys his way while I finish dinner preparations. We share a meal, tidy up, and then I retreat to our bedroom to work, while Jake takes on the task of getting our boys ready for bed.
Sounds like a great guy, right? I mean, I think he’s pretty attractive as it is, but fatherhood makes him even more appealing. What really impresses me, though, is that this hardworking man doesn’t clock out on parenting once the sun goes down. He wakes up with our kids during the night and has always been there to help—whether it’s dealing with a crying baby, a thirsty toddler, or a child having a nightmare.
And you know what? This shouldn’t be remarkable at all. Sure, I find it incredibly attractive how great he is as a dad, but here’s the thing: all fathers should be involved during nighttime. If you and your partner are responsible for a child—whether by birth, adoption, or otherwise—there’s no reason for one parent to shoulder the nighttime duties alone.
I’ve heard all the excuses: “He works so hard. He needs his sleep.” I get it, but guess what? You’re also working hard. Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent, working from home, or juggling a job outside, you deserve rest too. Why should the father get a pass when it comes to nighttime parenting?
The truth is, this is rooted in sexism. I see it happening even in the most modern families. Dads insisting they can’t possibly wake up with a newborn or assuming their stay-at-home partners should handle it all. Sometimes, moms even enable this mindset, believing they should bear the brunt of exhaustion.
Yes, I understand that infants can have a strong preference for their mothers, especially if breastfeeding is involved. My little ones definitely wanted me at night. I accepted that. But when it came to diaper changes, midnight drink requests, and those chaotic nights when they just wouldn’t settle down, Jake stepped up big time.
If we hadn’t shared those nighttime duties over the years, I’m convinced I would have either succumbed to sleep deprivation or had a serious marital crisis. I know Jake isn’t the only one like this—there are many amazing dads who recognize that parenting is a full-time job and are eager to pitch in. Unfortunately, there are still plenty of dads who clearly express they won’t participate.
To those dads, let me be clear: that’s unacceptable. And to the moms tolerating this behavior, it’s time to advocate for yourself. Parenting is challenging and draining, as you probably knew from the start. Some families are lucky enough to have great sleepers, while others aren’t. Regardless, nighttime responsibilities should not fall solely on one parent, especially not just those who identify as women.
By stepping up during those late-night wake-ups, you create special moments with your children and ensure that your partner remains happier and well-rested. Trust me, a well-rested partner is much less likely to feel overwhelmed or frustrated.
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In conclusion, parenting, especially at night, should be a shared responsibility. Dads, it’s time to step up and support your partners while building that crucial bond with your kids.