Isn’t it just delightful when your child drops a last-minute school event bombshell? Like when they casually mention, “Hey, Mom, I have a band concert tonight, and I need to wear dress pants… like, right now.”
Excuse me, what? My son hasn’t touched dress pants in ages, and the only pair he has looks like they belong on a toddler. So, unless the concert theme is “Flood Preparedness,” it looks like I need to dash out and find some new pants, stat. One week left of school? What a blast.
I’ve come to the conclusion that we need a drive-thru emergency pants store, perhaps named “Oops—Dress Pants?!” for these situations. Just basic khaki, black, and blue dress pants for boys. You could call ahead, “Hi, can you toss a size 14 slim khaki in my car? Thanks!”
But let’s be real, it’s not just the boys; my daughter’s no stranger to this chaos either. I’ve spent many frantic evenings at the local store, searching for a medium neon T-shirt because, surprise, tomorrow is “I’m Too Bright to Do Drugs!” day. Seriously? It seems like you’re not bright enough to tell me until 9 p.m. the night before. Got it.
While venting about this on social media, my friends and I joked about opening a shop dedicated to all the unforeseen school “emergencies” we discover at the last minute. “Oops—Dress Pants?!” might be too specific, so how about just “WTF, Kids?!” or “What Fresh Hell?!” or “You Need What, When?” I’m totally open to ideas, but right now, I have about two hours before the concert, and I’m racing to Old Navy.
This imaginary emergency store would be staffed by sweet, calming grandmothers who guide you to a range of items in your child’s size, such as:
- Dress pants
- Dress shoes
- White button-downs
- Black skirts
- Black socks
- White tights
- Clip-on ties
- Poster board in every color
- Craft supplies
- Solid-color T-shirts for “Spirit Day”
- Pajama sets for “Pajama Day”
- A solar system model
- A working volcano kit
- Alexander Hamilton costume
- Betsy Ross costume
- Flags from every country
- Teacher gifts
- Various baked goods
- Permission slips
- Pre-filled reading logs
- Pre-signed doctor’s notes (Kidding. Sort of.)
- Booze (Not kidding.)
The store would be open from 6 p.m. to midnight because that’s typically when you find out about these events. Kids, am I right?
So, let’s get the ball rolling—write to your representatives, add it to your vision board, or even reach out to Oprah and the folks at Shark Tank. This is something we desperately need.
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In summary, parenting often feels like a never-ending series of surprises, especially when it comes to school events. From last-minute dress pants to themed T-shirt days, we could all use a little help.