So, your child has gathered the courage to share that they identify as something beyond heterosexual or cisgender. This moment may come as a surprise, or perhaps it aligns with your suspicions about your child’s identity. Regardless, it marks a pivotal point in your teenager’s life—and your own. Emotions can run high, encompassing fear, excitement, and a good deal of concern.
Having navigated similar waters myself, I hope these suggestions can provide you with insights to help your child feel secure and validated during this significant moment. It’s essential for every child, whether gay, straight, or otherwise, to feel supported by their parents.
Let’s clarify some terminology first. The acronym LGBTQ+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, and asexual, with the “+” representing various gender identities like agender, bigender, and genderfluid. Unfortunately, over 20% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ+, often due to family rejection. If my words can help mend even one relationship between an LGBTQ+ youth and their parents, I will feel accomplished. Please be kind as I share my thoughts; I just recently turned 17.
Due to the diversity of gender pronouns, I will alternate between female and male references throughout this article for ease of reading.
1. Stay Calm
This is crucial. Your child has likely spent considerable time contemplating how and when to share this with you, worrying about your reaction. They’re opening up about their true self, and your acceptance is vital. It’s okay to need time to process this new information, but do so respectfully. Harsh words or negative reactions can cause lasting harm and signal that you haven’t fully embraced who your child is.
2. Respect Their Pace
Your child will share as much as they feel comfortable with, and it’s essential to honor that. My parents stumbled upon my identity accidentally. Despite their love and support, I was still apprehensive about their reactions. When they learned the truth, they were eager to know everything at once, but thankfully, they respected my need to share on my own terms. Remember, your child remains the same person you’ve always known—this new aspect doesn’t change their fundamental character.
3. Don’t Force Labels
It can be tempting to proclaim that you’ve known your child’s identity all along, but this can be counterproductive. What if you’re mistaken? Your child should determine their own identity without pressure or assumptions. It’s their journey to define.
4. Encourage Self-Expression
If your child wants to experiment with their appearance—be it haircuts, clothing, or makeup—support them. These choices are avenues for self-exploration and expression. Clothes are just fabric; what matters is how your child feels in what they wear. Your encouragement will help them feel valued for who they are inside, not just how they appear.
5. Avoid Teasing
Making jokes about your child’s identity or allowing others to do so can be deeply hurtful. Even if you think you’re being humorous, your child may perceive these remarks as disapproval. If friends or family engage in this behavior, kindly explain that it’s unacceptable.
6. Use Correct Pronouns
This is crucial: always use the pronouns your child identifies with. Understanding the difference between sex, gender, and sexual orientation is key. Respecting your child’s chosen pronouns can significantly impact their mental health and well-being. Misgendering, whether intentional or not, can be damaging.
Yes, navigating this journey is challenging, particularly in conservative environments. However, by following these guidelines and approaching your child’s announcement with an open heart, you can foster a loving and accepting atmosphere at home. This will not only enhance your relationship but also contribute to a more inclusive world.
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