I’ve been grappling with how to share some important thoughts with you. It’s a challenge because I feel a sense of shame; I wish I had been aware of these issues long before they impacted my family. I worry you might respond in a way that suggests you aren’t a safe space for my child. There’s a fear that you won’t take my concerns seriously, leaving me feeling frustrated. But as my son matures from an adorable black boy into a strong black man, I recognize that the perceptions of him will shift. That’s why I need your support to help keep him safe.
We engage in conversations with our son about various safety concerns. We teach him to be respectful to authorities, to keep his hands visible, and to avoid wearing his hood over his face or sneaking through neighbors’ backyards during games of hide-and-seek. We strive to find that delicate balance between helping him embrace his identity and preparing him for a world that doesn’t always see him as we do. Sadly, some may label him a “thug” before they even know his name, his story, or his talents.
The Reality of Racism
Here’s the reality: despite our efforts to protect him and empower him to guard himself, there may come a moment when your child is involved. As the parents of my son’s white friends, I urge you to discuss racism with your children. It’s crucial that you address the assumptions others may make about my son and talk about the actions they should take when they witness injustice.
I understand that in a white family, it’s easy to adopt a “colorblind” mentality and feel enlightened. However, teaching your kids to be colorblind can lead to a lack of understanding about the specific dangers my child may encounter. If you teach your kids that racism is a relic of the past and use my family as an example of harmony, you’re not doing me any favors. Just because you haven’t faced overt racism doesn’t mean it’s absent.
It’s simple to perceive a colorblind society when you’re unaware that just two weeks ago, I was discussing with my son’s principal the racial slurs he was enduring from a classmate. I was grateful for the school’s response, and it felt like a significant victory that my son felt secure enough to share his experiences with us—many children don’t. It’s easy to assume we live in a post-racial era when you don’t know that a neighbor reported my children to Child Protective Services for behaving like the other kids in our neighborhood. Activities like playing in our cul-de-sac, asking for snacks from neighbors, or running barefoot in the yard led to complaints.
I can’t fully express the stress it causes former foster children when a social worker arrives to interview them, and while our neighbor’s complaint was quickly dismissed, I still struggle to forgive the distress it caused our family. It’s likely that this neighbor doesn’t see himself as racist; however, the notion that the same behaviors are tolerable for white kids but scrutinized for kids of color reflects an inherent bias. This isn’t just concern—it’s harassment.
What You Can Do
So, dear white parents, please initiate conversations about racism with your children. If they witness my son being bullied or called derogatory names, they need to stand by him. They must recognize how threatening those situations can be, rather than dismissing them with laughter. If your child is with my son at the park and law enforcement arrives, encourage them to stay with him. In that moment, they should be extra polite and respectful. It’s crucial that they don’t run off or leave my son alone. This is not the time to explore risky behaviors; any trouble that arises will likely not be judged by the same standards applied to them.
Please treat my son with dignity. Don’t touch his hair out of curiosity, and refrain from using black slang as a joke. If a thought crosses your mind that might be inappropriate, just avoid saying it altogether. Your children are absorbing your attitudes, even through humor. Be mindful of the messages they receive about race in media, and engage in difficult discussions about current events. Don’t shy away from these conversations—my son can’t afford to ignore them, and neither can we.
Be an advocate for this remarkable young man who has shared meals at your table, sat beside your child at church, and celebrated birthdays together. He is not an exception to the rule; he won’t benefit from my white privilege indefinitely. His life, like all lives, holds immense value and worth, created in the image of God. I believe real change happens when white parents start having these vital conversations with their children.
Resources for Further Reading
For more insights on navigating these discussions, you can explore resources like this one or find helpful information at Make a Mom. Additionally, this resource offers excellent guidance on pregnancy and home insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, it’s crucial for white parents to engage in conversations about racism and advocate for children of all backgrounds. By doing so, you contribute to a safer, more understanding environment for everyone.