From the moment I envisioned having daughters, I pictured two little girls in frilly dresses, engaging in tea parties and playing with dolls. I imagined braiding hair and painting nails. However, my reality was different.
My child, Jamie, was drawn to blue from the very start. She gravitated towards shirts featuring her favorite space ranger, played with toy cars, and found joy in animated adventures like Monsters, Inc. While I secretly hoped for a little princess adorned in pink and sparkles, Jamie was unapologetically herself, and I wouldn’t dream of altering that.
As time passed, Jamie was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and continued to assert her identity as a boy. After several age-appropriate conversations about anatomy, it became clear that this wasn’t a fleeting phase. Jamie wasn’t confused or seeking attention; she was simply expressing who she truly was.
Mistakes were not an option—I faced corrections at every turn. When I said, “You’re such a good girl,” Jamie would insist, “No, I’m a boy.” Or when I offered her a pink shirt, she’d respond with, “No! I can’t wear a girls’ shirt!” We had never assigned gender labels to her toys or clothing, yet Jamie was absorbing societal cues from the media, school, and her surroundings. In her eyes, boys wore T-shirts and sneakers, had short hair, and played with dinosaurs and trucks. She saw the world in stark contrasts, where a “tomboy” was not an option, but rather a clear identification as a boy.
Characteristics of Gender Dysphoria
WebMD notes that children experiencing gender dysphoria often exhibit certain characteristics, including:
- Consistently stating they are a girl despite having the physical traits of a boy or vice versa.
- Preferring friends who align with their identified gender.
- Rejecting gender-typical clothing and toys.
- Expressing a desire to eliminate their current genitals in favor of those that match their true identity.
- Experiencing distress regarding bodily changes during puberty.
Explaining anatomy to my 5-year-old was daunting; just uttering the word “penis” felt uncomfortable. Yet in that moment, I began to grasp the reality of gender dysphoria. Jamie knew her truth and tearfully pleaded with me to allow her to be recognized as a boy. “I don’t want to have a bagina! You can’t make me be a girl!”
Regardless, we embraced each day with love for Jamie, accepting her for who she is. While both her ASD and gender dysphoria diagnoses weren’t unforeseen, they posed significant challenges regarding her future. Would she find acceptance? Would she forge friendships? Would she be content with herself?
I finally articulated Jamie’s situation to friends and family, who offered overwhelming support, often simply stating, “She’s just…Jamie.” They respected her wish to be called a boy, allowing her the freedom to express herself without correction.
Then Target announced their inclusive bathroom policy.
Suddenly, my social media feed filled with derogatory comments: “Transgender individuals are disgusting.” “They just want attention.” “Trans people are perverts.” These remarks struck a chord, as they were aimed at my beloved Jamie. With tears in my eyes, I confided in my sister about the hurt I felt living in a world filled with such ignorance.
I recognize that when people post such hateful comments, they may not be considering the impact on my sweet daughter, who yearns to be a boy. I understand their fears; as a parent, I share similar concerns. Our society is fraught with dangers, but the notion that Target bathrooms are hunting grounds for predators is unfounded. Moreover, the implication that transgender individuals are inherently dangerous is both unjust and harmful.
Bathroom issues have been a source of pain for Jamie. On several occasions, we found ourselves outside a men’s restroom, with her pleading to enter. “I’ll go in quickly when no one is around!” she insisted, on the verge of tears. It pains me to deny her this simple need. Jamie understands why she can’t enter the men’s bathroom alone; she knows she is physically a girl, yet she remains steadfast in her beliefs.
When asked about the most challenging aspect of having a child on the spectrum, I quickly respond, “Other people.” The same holds true for parenting a child with gender dysphoria.
To my daughter, I promise: I will never impose a false identity upon you. I will never make you feel ashamed of who you are. As long as I breathe, I will advocate for a world that embraces your uniqueness. We will strive to foster understanding and kindness. We will celebrate you, Jamie, every single day.
For more insights on navigating these challenges, check out this excellent resource for family building options.
Summary
Parenting a child with gender dysphoria can be challenging, primarily due to societal attitudes. While embracing their true identity and supporting them is paramount, external judgments and misconceptions often complicate the journey. It is essential to advocate for acceptance and understanding, ensuring that children feel loved and accepted as they are.