As often happens, the pivotal question came during a drive down a bustling highway, while I was juggling thoughts about dinner plans, homework, and an evening meeting. I was pulled back to reality when my 13-year-old son, Alex, said, “Mom, can we chat about suicide for a moment?”
Nothing quite like a direct question from your teen to snap you back to attention, right? Wanting to give him my undivided focus, I found a parking spot where I could calmly engage with him. I felt a bead of sweat trickle down my back as I braced for the conversation ahead. While waiting, I examined his face, noticing the emerging sharp angles that were replacing his youthful roundness. It felt like an eternity before he began to speak.
He shared that his school had conducted a presentation on suicide prevention that left him shaken. He expressed that he was grappling with his feelings and recounted stories presented, including one particularly poignant account from a classmate he’d known since kindergarten. With tears welling in his eyes, he asked, “What if he’d gone through with it?” We sat in silence, both reflecting on the gravity of such an irreversible choice.
As parents, we often dread the thought of our children experiencing emotional pain. We observe their struggles with friendships, bullying, and the myriad challenges of adolescence, all while hoping we’ve equipped them with the resilience to handle these pressures. We hear the haunting stories of parents who have faced the unimaginable loss of a child to suicide, and when tragedy strikes, we hold our kids close, praying we won’t find ourselves in that situation someday.
Suicide remains a profound concern for every parent. Raising a teenager means constantly considering the possibility that your child may be battling inner demons. Having navigated my own teenage turmoil, I often worry that Alex might be grappling with similar feelings of inadequacy and loneliness, perhaps hiding his distress beneath a brave facade.
It’s all too easy to become overly attentive to every minor conflict your child faces, and it can be tempting to intervene in their social disputes. Acknowledging that the emotional turmoil of adolescence is a natural phase, much like infants learning to sleep through the night, is challenging. Still, the worry that your child may not be okay looms large.
On that spring evening, I listened intently as Alex processed his emotions. We discussed his classmate’s experience and how isolated that child must have felt. He expressed his fears about potentially losing a friend to suicide and the finality that death represents. When he asked why someone might take such drastic measures, I gently explained that some individuals carry burdens that seem unbearable. His eyes brimmed with tears as he stated, “It took a lot of courage for my classmate to seek help and to share his story with us.”
Absolutely, son.
Knowing that moments of openness with my teen are fleeting, I seized the opportunity to ask him how he was feeling emotionally. With track practice on hold, we explored his social life and whether he felt accepted among his peers. I shared some of my own teenage experiences, recounting times when I felt excluded or struggled with my identity. We simply conversed about his feelings as he navigated the challenges of middle school.
I anticipated that he would respond with typical teenage eye-rolling and terse replies like “I’m fine, Mom” or “Don’t worry—I have friends, okay?” as he attempted to divert me so he could get back to his warm-ups. But he surprised me.
He conveyed a sense of contentment with where he was in life. While he acknowledged that middle school could be emotionally tumultuous, he felt supported by friends experiencing similar challenges. He mentioned that it comforted him to see friends with braces, acne, and clothes that were suddenly too small due to growth spurts. He assured me that he had friends to confide in, teachers he trusted, and classes he enjoyed. “Don’t worry, Mom. I’m okay, I promise. And if I’m not, I’ll let you know,” he said, and in that moment, I recognized the resilience in our kids. While life holds no guarantees, their ability to navigate these years often surpasses our expectations.
I realized that our teenage experiences are not necessarily the same as theirs, and sometimes, it’s okay to loosen our grip and worry a little less. They will endure their teenage years, just as we did.
As I watched Alex sprint towards the track, silhouetted against the setting sun, I felt a sense of relief wash over me.
In summary, talking openly with your teen about tough topics like suicide can foster understanding and resilience. It’s essential to create an environment where they feel comfortable expressing their emotions and thoughts.
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