As a new parent, hearing someone say, “That baby looks strange. His eyes are not pretty,” is gut-wrenching. It’s the last thing you want to hear while grabbing a quick bite to eat. My son, who is now almost 8 months old, was born with a rare eye condition. He has ptosis in one eye, which required surgery to maintain his sight, and he has some webbing and a fistula in the other eye. Both will need additional surgeries in the near future.
With another child on the way, due in September, my protective instincts have heightened. I’ve always worried about the potential for bullying, especially since my son spent time in the NICU after being born six weeks early. It kept me awake at night, thinking about whether he’d struggle to make friends or find love, or how he might lack the confidence to succeed in life. Sure, that last thought might be a stretch, but hormones can affect your perspective!
When I overheard those hurtful comments, I broke down in tears at a fast-food restaurant, holding my sweet boy. My husband, my steady support, reminded me that I was allowing those kids to get to me. While I knew he was right, I still felt the urge to confront them and their oblivious father. It took me a few days to process it, but then a realization struck.
My son is nothing short of extraordinary. He brings joy wherever he goes, with a smile that can light up the room, and he doesn’t even realize he’s “different.” If he isn’t bothered by it, why should I be? The kids who made those comments likely don’t understand, and perhaps they’re acting out due to insecurities of their own. Regardless, they are the type of people he’ll encounter throughout his life. How my husband and I respond will shape his reactions to such situations.
It’s normal for kids to stare; they’re just curious. I remember shopping when an elderly man approached and said, “Poor little thing. What’s wrong with his eyes?” Instead of getting upset, I chose to turn it into a positive moment, saying, “No need to feel sorry for him! He can see perfectly and is the happiest baby you’ll ever meet.” Just then, my little guy beamed his million-dollar smile, and the man’s expression softened. In that moment, I knew my son and I made a formidable duo.
I often hear remarks about how God gave us a child with a deformity because He knew we could handle it. While I appreciate the sentiment, I’d prefer not to have to prove my strength in such a way. However, I couldn’t help but feel proud of how we handled that situation. I wished I could go back to the fast-food restaurant and educate those boys about my son’s condition. I should have taken the high road when no one else did. But there are days when I just want to avoid questions and stares; it can be exhausting.
As for our second baby, we’re not worried about potential issues. We stopped genetic testing months ago after ruling out significant syndromes; our focus is on the happiness and well-being of our children. I’m proud to say I’m the mother of a preemie and a child with facial differences. More importantly, I’m the mother of a smart, funny, lively, and incredibly HAPPY little boy. When it comes down to it, what more could any parent ask for? Nothing at all.
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In summary, I’ve learned to rise above negative comments about my baby’s appearance. My son is remarkable, and his happiness is what truly matters. As parents, it’s vital for us to model resilience, compassion, and understanding for our children.