We’ve all heard the buzzwords: lean in, work-life balance, integrated life, having it all. These phrases are often paraded as empowering mantras meant to ease our stress or inspire us. Yet, let’s be real—they’re just a bunch of nonsense.
Originally, these ideas were intended to champion modern feminism and advocate for gender equality. However, they have since transformed into unrealistic expectations for women to excel in every single aspect of life. The notion of “having it all” has fallen flat and strayed far from true feminist values.
I want to clarify: I proudly identify as a feminist and support systemic reforms that enable both women and men to pursue fulfilling careers while nurturing a family. But the concept that anyone can “have it all” is utterly absurd.
Let’s face it: no one can genuinely have it all. I repeat: nobody can have it all! Yet, even if we banish this phrase from our vocabularies, the idea remains deeply ingrained in our collective consciousness. It’s like a toddler that won’t let go of your leg, refusing to budge.
We see it in how women tirelessly work to “lean in” while simultaneously feeling guilty about a cluttered home or not signing up for every single PTA committee. We hear it in the voices of those who leave their careers to raise children, describing themselves as “just” stay-at-home moms. And we witness it in the guilt that weighs heavily on women who feel they must do and be everything.
The very implication that women should strive to “have it all” sets a higher bar for them than for men. We never question if men can achieve this mythical standard, nor have we ever expected them to juggle career, family, and personal success. A quick glance at the humorous Twitter feed of the “Man Who Has It All” highlights the glaring double standards that persist.
Why should women be compelled to leap through extra hoops to construct a life that fulfills all societal expectations? And what about the women who either can’t have it all due to various circumstances or simply don’t wish to? Feminism should advocate for equality among all women—not just a select few. The notion of “having it all” insinuates inadequacy for those who choose different paths, whether that includes children, careers, or any particular combination.
There are countless systemic and cultural reasons that make it nearly impossible for women to achieve this elusive “all” (think salary discrepancies, insufficient family leave policies, etc.). We must tackle these societal issues immediately. However, we also put immense pressure on ourselves, striving to do everything for everyone. Life is about choices, and our time and energy are finite. When we add one responsibility—be it work, family, or personal interests—we must inevitably subtract another. Otherwise, we risk overwhelming ourselves, much like a toddler spilling juice on a white rug.
So, let’s stop the chatter about “having it all.” Spoiler alert: nobody can! This unrealistic expectation is detrimental to both men and women alike. It’s time we stop holding ourselves to this impossible standard that often leaves us feeling inadequate, leading us to stress-eat Oreos in the middle of the night.
Rather than fixating on whether women can “have it all,” let’s shift our focus to valuing caregivers in our society. We should ensure that mothers receive the postpartum care they deserve and that both mothers and fathers can take sufficient time off work after welcoming a new baby. Saying “no” more often and granting ourselves grace when we can’t juggle everything perfectly is essential.
Let’s eliminate labels like “working moms” or “stay-at-home parents” and simply recognize ourselves as parents. Regardless of what we choose to prioritize, the vast buffet of life offers endless options, making it impossible for any one person to have it all. Besides, even if we could somehow manage to fill our plates with everything, we all know what that experience entails: a chaotic meal where we’re too busy cutting pancakes into tiny pieces, bouncing a baby on our knee, and coaxing a toddler to take another bite.
If you’re interested in exploring more about family planning, check out our other blog post here. For those looking into options for home insemination, visit BabyMaker for expert resources. Additionally, Cleveland Clinic provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, let’s stop the unrealistic pursuit of “having it all.” It’s time to embrace the choices we make and value the diverse paths women can take in life.