From the moment you entered this world — even before, as I found myself engrossed in books about pregnancy and endlessly comparing nursing pillows — my focus has been on guiding you to realize your true potential. Every choice I make on your behalf, while I still have the privilege of making those choices, is meant to lead you closer to becoming a joyful, well-rounded, and fulfilled adult — a positive force in this world.
I often find myself imagining your future, envisioning the kind of person you will become. My hopes for you are boundless. Yet, there are moments when I succumb to the worry that plagues every parent. You’re my firstborn, my little one, and by default, my trial and error project. Your siblings benefit from the lessons learned with you, while you’ve navigated your early years largely through my learning curve. I can only hope that I’ve done well by you.
As much as I imagine your future, I still find it hard to believe that it’s arriving so swiftly. You just celebrated your 11th birthday, and soon you’ll be stepping into sixth grade — a significant milestone. This is uncharted territory for me, so I ask for your patience as we both navigate your increasing independence. I have a feeling one of us will struggle more than the other, and I suspect that person will be me.
You are changing before my eyes. I hear it in the deepening of your voice, notice it in your stretching limbs, and feel the loss of the sweet, babyish roundness that I thought would never fade.
When you were younger, the days felt long, your needs towering like mountains that I hardly realized I was climbing. Now, it’s hard to fathom how quickly we’ve reached this point. It’s as though I was closing my eyes, focused on the daily challenges of motherhood, and when I opened them again, I saw how far we’ve come. I know we’re not at the end of this journey, and the teenage years will likely bring their own challenges, but it’s both astonishing and bittersweet to realize how much of your childhood has already passed.
What moments did I overlook while caught up in the details of parenting? How did time slip away so swiftly? Now aware of this, I intend to cherish every moment with your younger brothers. But with you, those early years can only be reminisced upon, like a fleeting footprint washed away by the tide.
Where has my baby gone?
At this stage, you still possess a lot of the silliness, innocence, and wonder of childhood. I catch glimpses of those traits now and again, but they’re becoming less frequent. Instead, I see signs of your impending adulthood manifesting in ways that surprise me. You’re starting to understand grown-up humor, engage in conversations about technology, and even write secret notes that you’d prefer I didn’t see. You’ve taken to retreating to your room, earbuds in, as you explore your own world online. You oscillate between moods of maturity and childhood, leaving me uncertain about which version of you I’ll encounter in any given moment.
You still need me, but it’s not in the same way you did when you were younger. This realization brings me both excitement and a touch of fear. I know that before I fully comprehend what’s happening, you’ll have completed your transformation, and I will have to learn to let go.
I don’t want to dwell on the baby you once were; I want to celebrate the amazing boy you are and the remarkable man you’re becoming. Yet, I ask for your understanding as I navigate these feelings, as countless mothers have done throughout history. There will be moments when I look at you, filled with emotion, and shed tears seemingly out of nowhere. It’s just the way it is when we face the prospect of change.
But change is inevitable, whether we’re ready or not.
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In summary, as I navigate the bittersweet transition of watching you grow up, I remain hopeful and supportive of the incredible person you are destined to become.