Helen Andelin’s Fascinating Womanhood made waves when it debuted in 1963, building on ideas outlined in earlier booklets from the ’20s and ’30s. With over two million copies sold, it has sparked debate across the feminist spectrum—some see it as a guide to women’s roles in the domestic sphere, while others view it as a catalyst for feminist discourse, even among those who might prefer to keep it traditional.
Among the book’s most circulated elements is a list of dos and don’ts for women, often discussed in women’s studies courses. While some women may find these guidelines helpful, I firmly disagree. This list promotes male dominance rather than fostering equality and partnership in marriage, and frankly, I believe it can be just as demeaning to men as it is to women. Here’s my modern husband’s perspective on these outdated principles.
The Don’ts
- Don’t try to change him.
Absolutely, you should! Marriage is all about growth and adaptation. Change is inevitable, and both partners should strive to support each other through these transformations. If you think your spouse is a static entity, you’re in for a surprise. - Don’t show indifference, contempt, or ridicule toward his masculine abilities, achievements, or ideas.
Wait, so if his ideas are based on masculinity, they deserve your unwavering support? No way. Masculinity doesn’t inherently elevate a man’s ideas. It’s essential for both partners to engage in interests beyond gender expectations. Let’s rephrase this to encourage interest in shared passions and mutual support. - Don’t try to excel him in anything which requires masculine ability.
Oh, come on! If your wife wants to take up drag racing or bear wrestling, she should go for it. There’s no monopoly on skills based on gender. We need to embrace each other’s talents, regardless of societal labels. - Don’t let the outside world crowd you for time to do your homemaking tasks well.
Is homemaking really the priority here? In today’s world, many families rely on dual incomes. If a woman wants to pursue her dreams outside the home, it enhances the family dynamic. - Don’t have a lot of preconceived ideas of what you want out of life.
Forget that! Pursue your dreams! Life is about evolving and working together to make those dreams a reality. - Don’t stand in the way of his decisions or his law.
But what if those decisions are misguided? It’s crucial to communicate openly about poor choices, regardless of who makes them.
The Dos
- Accept him at face value.
Trust is key, yet communication is vital. If you have doubts, ask questions. Open dialogue is a modern necessity. - Admire his manliness.
Compliments are great, but let’s focus on mutual admiration rather than elevating masculinity to an untouchable pedestal. Love should be about appreciating each other as individuals. - Recognize his superior strength and ability.
No thanks. Everyone has unique strengths; let’s celebrate those instead of creating a hierarchy based on gender. - Be a Domestic Goddess.
Good luck with that! Instead, let’s discuss aspirations and support each other’s goals, both at home and beyond. - Revere your husband and honor his right to rule you and your children.
Absolutely not. Marriage is not about ruling; it’s about partnership. Both partners contribute to a loving and supportive home environment.
As a father, I must say that while the Fascinating Womanhood guidelines may have resonated in 1963, they don’t reflect the reality of today’s relationships. We live in an age that values egalitarianism, where shared responsibility and teamwork are paramount. A partnership based on love and equality is what makes a family flourish.
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Summary:
The outdated dos and don’ts from Fascinating Womanhood do not align with modern values of equality and partnership in marriage. Both partners should support and encourage each other’s growth, pursue dreams together, and share responsibilities, creating a loving and balanced family life.