My grandparents celebrated over 65 years of marriage, despite being polar opposites in many aspects. Grandpa was laid-back and composed, whereas Grandma was assertive and outspoken. He was a dreamer, while she was a doer. Their relationship flourished in spite of their contrasting personalities, enduring career changes, the births of three children, the heartbreaking loss of two of them within just six months, and the ups and downs of running a business, along with all the little bumps that every couple faces.
Today, it seems common to hear that relationships are more transient, with phrases like “divorce is too easy” becoming part of the dialogue. Some argue that previous generations stayed married simply because “that’s what people did back then.” However, I believe my grandparents remained committed because they recognized a fundamental truth about marriage: “Some days,” Grandpa would wisely remark in his calm demeanor, “Love is a choice.”
No one enters marriage anticipating that it won’t last a lifetime. When we say our vows, we don’t include “’til divorce do us part.” Yes, sometimes, divorce is indeed the best choice; we all have deal-breakers, and there are circumstances where separation is necessary. But for many of us, it’s vital to be prepared for, accept, and navigate the challenging times. By “challenging,” I mean anything from minor annoyances—like your partner’s ear-splitting snoring—to significant, life-altering issues. Every marriage will face both.
Love is fundamentally a choice, which can be complex, especially given how effortlessly we fall in love at first. Our hearts swell, and everything feels magical. However, maintaining that love over the years requires intentional effort. Love isn’t just a cozy coat that remains snug forever; life intervenes, and marriage can be tested by stress, making the initial excitement feel distant. Sometimes, that distance can become permanent.
Yet, it’s during these tough weeks or months, when we feel miles apart from where we began, that we must choose to love. It’s in those moments, when giving up seems far easier, that we dig in our heels and commit to our partners. We must understand that conflict is not only unavoidable but can also be beneficial if addressed properly. Just like a wound needs treatment to heal, we must confront issues head-on. Ignoring them only leads to deeper problems. Sometimes, the confrontation can be more painful than the issue itself, but, like any wound, healing requires some discomfort. And remember, it won’t hurt forever.
We choose our partners for a reason, and we decide to love them through difficult times by keeping that reason in mind. It’s natural to feel lost at times, as all couples do. When things get tough, it’s completely normal to second-guess everything. We feel most secure when we can express our vulnerabilities to each other, revealing parts of ourselves we wouldn’t show anyone else. While it might not always be pretty, that messiness is part of intimacy, and intimacy strengthens our bond.
Ultimately, love is a choice, not merely a circumstance. Marriage is a continuous journey reminding us of this truth. It’s not a straightforward path filled with sunshine and roses; rather, it’s a winding road with rocky and steep places, interspersed with breathtaking moments that challenge our limits. It’s these challenges that help us truly value the easier times.
For more insights on the journey of love and family, check out this resource on pregnancy and explore home insemination options that can help you on your family-building journey. If you want to learn more about maintaining healthy relationships, you might find our post on privacy policies here useful.
Summary:
Love in marriage is an intentional choice that requires effort, especially during challenging times. As evidenced by my grandparents, who thrived despite their differences, understanding this fundamental truth can help couples navigate the ups and downs of their relationship. It’s important to embrace conflict as a means to strengthen bonds, acknowledging that love isn’t just a feeling but a commitment we actively choose.