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Parenting
When Life Makes Me an Imperfect Mom
by Claire Johnson
Updated: July 25, 2016
Originally Published: July 25, 2016
Recently, my partner, Jake, and I had a moment that made us feel like we were in over our heads. After moving into a new place, we went on a camping trip for five days, and in all the chaos, we completely forgot to pay the rent. When Jake called me in a panic to remind me that it was overdue, I realized I had no idea where our checks were stored or what our account number even was. Anxiety kicked in as I scrambled to figure things out. Of course, this was the exact moment when our little ones, ages 3 and 4, decided to have a meltdown of epic proportions, fighting over the TV remote and generally testing my patience.
In that overwhelming moment, I snapped at them. I didn’t intend to, but with my mind racing from stress, I unfairly let my frustrations spill over onto them. Sadly, this isn’t the first time I’ve allowed life’s challenges to impact my parenting.
I’m just human, after all. I make mistakes. I often view life—particularly the difficult parts—through a lens that magnifies my worries. I turn small issues into huge mountains, and before I know it, I’m stressed to the point of feeling like I’m scaling Everest while dodging volcanoes and saving the world. This tendency to catastrophize inevitably seeps into my parenting.
When I’m anxious about something looming on the horizon, I may drift off mentally, missing out on quality time with my kids. If Jake and I have had a disagreement, I might be irritable with our little ones. Similarly, after hearing about a recent tragedy, I may not react with my usual enthusiasm to my son’s silly antics.
It’s tough to admit, especially since I strive to be the perfect parent who meets all my children’s emotional needs and shields them from the harsh realities of life. But the truth is, I’m not wired that way. I overthink and analyze, which blurs the lines between my roles as a woman, partner, friend, and mom.
While I may not take pride in this reality, acknowledging it helps me address the issue. On good days, I’m able to take a deep breath and compartmentalize my problems, reminding myself that I can worry later, after the kids are asleep. They need me to be an engaged and present mom right now.
However, there are also tough days. These are the times when the stresses of life can feel too heavy to bear, leading me to react sharply to my children or withdraw emotionally. On those challenging days, I sit down with my kids and apologize. I explain to them in kid-friendly language that Mommy is having a tough time and hasn’t been the best parent today. I emphasize that I’m not perfect, but I genuinely try my best. I also let them know that it’s okay to say sorry when someone has made a mistake. They might not grasp the full weight of my words, but they are learning important lessons about vulnerability and forgiveness. “We forgive you, Mom,” my 3-year-old will say, wrapping his little arms around me.
I’m not invincible; my emotions can get the best of me when life throws curveballs. But I continually strive to do my best. On the days when I feel like my efforts fall short, I remind my kids that I’m human, apologize, and promise to improve. That’s what adults do, and it’s a lesson I want my children to carry with them.
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In summary, being a parent means acknowledging that life’s pressures can sometimes affect our behavior, but it also means learning and growing from those moments. I strive to be present for my children while also teaching them that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s essential to apologize and learn from them.