I recently made the rare choice to go to bed with dishes still piled in the sink. It was a Saturday night, I was worn out, and we had an early start the next day. So, I decided to ignore my anxiety and headed to my bedroom to change into my pajamas. Just as I settled into bed, I heard the sound of running water and clattering dishes coming from the kitchen.
My partner is doing the dishes, I thought. Sounds like a nice thought, right? One that should fill me with gratitude for having such a supportive spouse. He doesn’t wait for me to handle everything; he notices when something needs to be done and steps in. Unfortunately, instead of feeling thankful, my mind was spiraling in the opposite direction.
Oh no, he’s not going to load the dishwasher correctly. There will be random items in the silverware tray. The big bowl will be on top. He won’t rinse the dishes first. I’ll just have to redo it in the morning. Why can’t he just leave it be?
For those who might be curious, I’m definitely not in the running for any “Partner of the Year” awards anytime soon.
As the stay-at-home mom and the one who oversees everything, I often struggle to accept that tasks can be done differently than my way. I handle most of the responsibilities, so naturally, I believe my method is the best. If it’s not going to be done my way, then why bother, right? Sigh. So very wrong.
Instead of appreciating my partner for stepping in to help or recognizing my kids for pitching in without being asked, I find myself following them around like a needy puppy, critiquing their “incorrect” methods and redoing their work as soon as they leave the room. This behavior does nothing to benefit anyone—least of all me, since I’m already exhausted and genuinely need the support.
By hovering over them, I’m essentially teaching my family that their efforts aren’t good enough, which discourages them from even trying. I want everyone in my home to feel valued and capable, but nitpicking their attempts at chores, like folding towels incorrectly, doesn’t help anyone. It frustrates me while undermining their confidence.
I can’t expect to feel overwhelmed by the workload and then get annoyed when they help out but don’t meet my standards. It’s a double standard that doesn’t work.
The morning after that night of ungratefulness, I resolved to start acknowledging both the small and large contributions my family makes. If my daughter took out the bathroom trash but neglected a toilet paper roll, I focused on the good she did instead of what she missed. When my son took what felt like forever to vacuum the couch cushions, I showered him with praise for wanting to help, because encouraging that behavior is what matters—even if it makes my eye twitch.
Next time my partner did the dishes, I held my tongue and offered a quiet prayer of gratitude that he was in the kitchen while I relaxed with a cup of tea and one of my favorite shows. This household thrives not when everything is done my way but when everyone contributes and I genuinely value their efforts. Therefore, I’m consciously trying to stop micromanaging. They may never clean the floors as thoroughly as I do, but their attempts are what really count.
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In summary, learning to be grateful for the help my family offers, even when it’s not done my way, is a journey I’m committed to. By shifting my focus from perfection to appreciation, I can create a happier home for everyone.