“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…”
Who would have thought that I would connect more with a forgetful blue fish than a glamorous princess trapped in a tower? As a parent to a child on the autism spectrum, I often find myself feeling like I’m battling against the currents.
Finding adequate support services for kids like my son can be a daily challenge. Our family life certainly doesn’t resemble the traditional norm, and we regularly face disapproving glances from others. The pressure can be overwhelming. At times, I feel like I’m on the verge of sinking. I often question where I’ll find the strength to tackle yet another hurdle for my children.
It’s funny how the simplest tasks can feel like they’re going to pull me under — like tackling the dishes, for instance.
Last night, I walked into the kitchen to confront a towering pile of dirty dishes. The sight of the chipped plates and coffee-stained mugs left me feeling utterly defeated. I slammed the door, muttering some choice words, and sulked off to bed.
But when I opened the kitchen door this morning, I realized that the mountain of dishes wasn’t nearly as daunting as I had imagined. My pessimistic mind had played tricks on me.
What I should have done last night was simply say, “So what!” It’s quite liberating to go with the flow. In fact, there’s usually a silver lining in most scenarios, even when it comes to those pesky dishes.
So what if I go to bed with dirty pots in the sink? In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? Not really, because my husband might finally get me that dishwasher I’ve been eyeing for months if I let them pile up. That’s tactical thinking!
So what if I miss the millions tuning in for Sunday night TV? I can always fast forward through the ads when I catch it later in the week. That sounds like a win to me!
So what if my morning shower happens closer to 10:30 p.m. because my priority is getting my son to school with as little stress as possible? I was never a morning person anyway.
So what if my husband and I have to take time off work for a daytime date because we can’t find a babysitter at night? We can often find great midweek deals at the local pub.
So what if we alternate attending family events because large gatherings can be overwhelming? This way, we get quality time with our daughters when it’s our turn to go, and the spouse at home gets to control the remote that evening. Win-win!
So what if we vacation in the same spot year after year to maintain consistency? At least we know what to expect, which means no nasty surprises — or cockroaches hiding under the bed!
So what if I prefer comfy shoes over heels? With a child to chase and the potential for a remote control flying across the room, comfort is key. Blisters are the last thing I need at this stage of life.
So what if I have to be home by 10:30 p.m. when I’m out because my son worries if I’m not back by the time the news ends? Honestly, I appreciate it now; I’d rather be snuggled up in bed with a warm drink.
So what if I had to leave my job? When one door closes, another opens. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be sharing my thoughts with you right now.
So what if my son prefers to communicate via text because discussing his feelings face-to-face is a challenge? Those messages are precious keepsakes I can save—and use to embarrass him when he’s older!
So what if I spend a chunk of my day filling out forms and making calls to secure my son’s needs? It’s turning me into a fierce mama bear. Grrrr!
So what if my son insists on wearing specific socks due to sensory sensitivities? When we find ones he likes, we buy several pairs, saving me from the endless search for those socks the resident sock monster loves to hide.
So what if we’ve watched “Harry Potter” a million times? At least I know the spell to use against Dementors — “Expecto Patronum!”
So what if my son attends a special education school? That’s where he thrives and feels accepted. Ultimately, that’s all we want for our children, isn’t it?
So what if I lose some friends due to our limited social calendar? True friends will remain by my side, and I’d rather have a few genuine friendships than many superficial ones.
So what if we’re not a “normal” family? Who really needs normalcy? I’ve learned not to buy into the perfect family portrayals on social media. Everyone has their own unique journey and challenges, regardless of how flawless their lives may appear online.
So what if my son is autistic? He’s still the same remarkable individual, and while the diagnosis was initially a surprise, it doesn’t define him. I refuse to let the judgments of others dictate how he feels about himself.
So what if others don’t agree with my choices? They don’t walk in my shoes, and I’m proud of my comfy footwear.
Next time you feel like you’re sinking, try saying “so what?” and go with the flow. Imagine yourself floating on an inflatable raft, drink in hand, humming along to that cheerful little blue fish, “just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.”
As moms, we don’t always have to fight against the current. It can be exhausting. So from one blue fish to another, remember: “When life gets you down, do you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!”
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out our post on intracervical insemination, and if you’re looking for resources on home insemination, visit Make a Mom. For excellent information on pregnancy, UCSF offers resources that you won’t want to miss.
Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenting an autistic child can feel overwhelming. However, embracing a positive mindset can help alleviate stress. By accepting the imperfections that come with family life and reminding ourselves to take things in stride, we can find joy amid the chaos. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize what truly matters, and sometimes, it’s the little things that can keep us afloat.