Chore charts—I’ve tried them all: magnetic, canvas, chalkboard, and even the ones with shiny star stickers. You name it, I’ve hung it up in our home. I’ve got reminders in the bathrooms to wipe off the toothpaste mess, notices in the laundry room to check pockets and not leave dirty socks balled up, and signs on the kitchen cabinets telling them to place dirty dishes in the sink and empty a full dishwasher.
It’s been an exhaustive journey. I even crafted some charts myself, thinking a personal touch might inspire my kids to help out. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. And bless the well-meaning friends with their perfectly obedient children who suggest, “Have you tried assigning them specific areas of the house?” Yes, I did, and it was a complete flop. My kids couldn’t care less if their designated area looks like a tornado hit it; they’d rather move on to cleaner parts of the house.
When it comes to chores, my kids just aren’t having it—the charts, the assigned tasks, even the weekly duties are met with resistance. I’ve come to terms with the fact that no written list will ever motivate them to pitch in. They also show zero interest in bribes or rewards, whether it’s money or taking away privileges. Nothing has worked to get them to contribute around the house.
Instead, we’ve developed a more relaxed system that may seem a bit unconventional, but it keeps our home from descending into chaos. It’s pretty straightforward: “Just do it when I ask, or when you notice it needs doing.” That’s the gist of it.
Some parents might argue that I’m failing my kids by not instilling a sense of responsibility through consistent chores. They’re aghast when I mention that my kids don’t do their own laundry or clean the toilets. With four children ranging from 8 to 18, our daily lives resemble controlled chaos, and adding chore charts only heightened everyone’s stress levels, including mine. Eventually, we all rebelled against another to-do list.
Honestly, these kids spend their school days following rigid schedules, then it’s homework and extracurriculars, family dinners, and before we know it, it’s bedtime. High schoolers? They’re out the door by 7 a.m. and often don’t return until after 8 p.m. due to sports or jobs (where they actually clean toilets!). When are these overworked teens supposed to tackle household chores or wash their clothes?
For now, we’re sticking with our easygoing approach. I ask them to help at various times, and they usually comply. My hope is that by gradually shifting the responsibility onto them without a formal system, they’ll develop an initiative and eventually take pride in their contributions without needing to be asked or rewarded.
Soon enough, they’ll be off to college, and the state of their rooms, bathrooms, and laundry will be out of my hands. You might wonder, “But if you never made them do their laundry, how will they know what to do?” Funny you should ask! I dropped my eldest off at college last month, and as we drove there, he suddenly asked, “Um, how do I do laundry?” I replied, “The instructions are on the back of the Tide box. Good luck.” And guess what? He figured it out!
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In summary, chore charts may not have worked for my kids, but adapting to a more flexible approach has helped maintain a sense of order in our home while allowing them to learn responsibility in their own time.