For months, I’ve been feeling uneasy about my upcoming birthday. It’s not that I dislike celebrating—quite the contrary! I adore any opportunity to bake a cake and feel special for a day. But this year feels different. It’s getting real.
The unease first crept in around six months ago when an old colleague, Mark, reached out for a catch-up call. When I revealed my age, he was taken aback. “Seriously? No way!” he exclaimed, sounding stunned. I couldn’t tell if he was surprised because he thought I looked younger or if he felt older knowing he had hired me fresh out of college 16 years ago. He jokingly warned, “Don’t put that on your blog, or you might struggle to find work in TV!”
While he was half-joking, the truth hit me hard. In the entertainment industry, a woman’s appearance can often overshadow her talent. Unfortunately, age for women can feel like a career obstacle, unlike for men. As a result, I spent the summer in a whirlwind of worries, questioning whether I had accomplished enough by this milestone. Would I ever chase my dreams? Was I a failure for not expanding my family? Did I still have my attractiveness, especially with my first gray hair appearing and the changes of perimenopause taking hold?
I became so consumed by these thoughts that I decided to skip the celebrations altogether. I told my husband I didn’t want any parties; I wanted to hide from the reality of turning 40. I wanted to stick my head in the sand and pretend it wasn’t happening.
But truthfully, I was being a hypocrite. I constantly encourage my daughters to “be who you want to be,” yet I wasn’t practicing it myself. I was not appreciating the body that nurtured our children. I was overlooking the pride in my television career and fixating on what I hadn’t achieved. Then, a revelation struck me: So what? What if people knew I was about to turn 40? So what if they saw me aging or putting my family first? So what if my clothes fit a bit tighter? I realized I am right where I’m meant to be and it’s time to stop resisting. I need to embrace this new chapter.
As I reflect on the last day of my 30s, I feel a surge of excitement to celebrate my journey. I’m ready to welcome this new decade with open arms. To those who say “age is just a number,” I’d argue it represents so much more.
Turning 40 has been a transformative experience. Initially, it was daunting, but then it became manageable, and now it feels like a badge of honor. Forty signifies the resilience of my marriage after years of infertility challenges. It encapsulates my survival through the trials of needles, surgeries, and IVF that led me to motherhood. Forty symbolizes a woman who, after 40 years of life, still feels vibrant and confident. It has inspired me to stop seeking approval from others and to launch my own business. It has taught me to be my authentic self.
Now is the time to walk in love and savor what lies ahead. While years may just be numbers, they pass far too swiftly, and I refuse to waste another second on age-related worries. It’s time to live authentically and joyfully.
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To summarize, turning 40 doesn’t have to be a burden; it can be a celebration of growth and self-acceptance. Embrace the journey, honor your experiences, and step into this new decade with enthusiasm.