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Why Do Dads Get So Much Praise for Doing the Same Things We Do Every Day?
When my partner and I first considered relocating from the hustle and bustle of Manhattan, my primary worry revolved around food. “We’re going to starve,” I joked, “or we’ll be living off pizza and takeout forever.” “Don’t worry! I’ll learn to cook!” he responded, and he really did. Now, with two kids in tow, he handles all the cooking. I’ve taken to baking, which covers breakfast and dessert, but when it comes to dinner, that’s his domain.
When people discover this, they often act like he’s some kind of culinary superhero. I admire him for it—mainly because my cooking skills are limited to a few egg dishes (lunch, anyone?)—but it makes me wonder: would I earn the same superhero status if I cooked all the meals? Probably not.
Dad blogger Jake Thompson wrote a piece about his past mindset, where he believed he deserved gratitude for waking up to care for their baby during the night, as if he were doing something extraordinary. After some arguments with his wife, he realized he was being a bit oblivious and apologized.
This is a common theme, even among the most progressive dads. My partner is definitely one of those modern dads, fully engaged in parenting and household chores. Still, some responsibilities seem to default to me without discussion. This isn’t just about him; it’s a broader societal issue. Other parents, schools, doctors—everyone seems to assume I’m the go-to parent. Sometimes, I even find myself perpetuating these roles.
For instance, if one of our kids gets sick at school, they call my phone first. Birthday party invites? Those go to me. Planning summer camps and activities? Yep, that’s me too. And if the kids need something at night, it’s me again. This isn’t just about the workload; it highlights that women are often expected to shoulder more in family life. Numerous articles document this gap—yes, we’ve progressed, but we’re not quite there yet.
Here’s the twist: we also want appreciation—just like the dads do. I wake up early to make coffee, unload the dishwasher, prepare breakfast, and get the kids ready for their day. I ensure they have clothes that fit the season, buy school supplies, and pick out birthday gifts for their friends. The list is long, and I’d like a little acknowledgment for it!
When my partner notices I’m overwhelmed and steps in to help, I thank him because I genuinely appreciate it. So why is it that my efforts often go unrecognized? And why do many men (not my partner, of course) expect praise for simply chipping in?
The solution isn’t to stop appreciating dads; it’s about recognizing that managing a household—especially with kids—is just as demanding for us as it is for them. We all deserve a pat on the back for navigating the daily chaos, whether it’s dealing with school requests, fixing up the house, or managing kid-related chaos.
Whether it’s getting up in the night with babies or waiting up for teenagers, everyone should receive thanks. Period.
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In summary, both moms and dads should receive appreciation for their everyday efforts in parenting and household management. It’s time we acknowledge the hard work each parent puts in, regardless of traditional roles or expectations.