After nearly 15 years of marriage, I’ve become something of an expert on the delightful quirks of raising both a son and a daughter—at least within our family. While I struggle to find my way in the kitchen, my husband can’t seem to locate the mayonnaise in the fridge. I have a knack for being right (most of the time), and he’s got that talent too. Cars? I’m clueless and uninterested, while he can rattle off obscure sports facts from decades past. It’s all about balance.
We have a son and a daughter, both of whom observe and learn from our parenting, hopefully focusing on our better moments over our missteps. Though we strive for equality in our parenting approach, we certainly have unique focuses for each child as they navigate the world ahead of them.
Lessons for Our Son
- Respect for toilet seats.
- The importance of being true to himself, regardless of societal expectations.
- The art of timing when telling jokes (this one needs work).
- How to do laundry—washing and folding included.
- The wisdom of always getting enough dessert for two, even if his date insists they’re not hungry; they might change their mind.
- To avoid being the stereotypical alpha male who insists on having the last word.
- The ability to locate anything he’s searching for, even if it’s not in plain sight.
- The necessity of asking for permission before touching someone else’s body.
- Skills for uplifting others.
- Communication skills for speaking with strangers on the phone.
- The importance of holding doors open for everyone.
- How to give compliments, particularly to his partner, often.
- To appreciate beauty in people, even when it’s not readily apparent.
- The value of giving more than receiving.
- The fundamentals of friendship.
- The experience of falling deeply in love, even if it leaves him feeling vulnerable.
Lessons for Our Daughter
- How to deliver a well-timed kick to the groin if needed.
- The steps to change a flat tire.
- The best way to approach someone she likes for a date.
- The importance of maintaining friendships.
- The importance of seeking her own happiness and fulfillment.
- To regularly compliment her partner, just as she would like to be complimented.
- The joys of solo travel, dining, and movie outings.
- That she need not apologize for her existence as a woman.
- The value of listening more than speaking (we’re working on this).
- The necessity of trusting her instincts.
- How to ensure her voice is heard.
- That consent is essential before any physical interaction.
- The benefits of eating vegetables over perpetual dieting.
- The importance of being herself, despite societal pressures.
- The experience of falling deeply in love, even if it’s challenging to recover from.
While we aim to teach both our children these valuable lessons, I sometimes wish certain truths didn’t need to be taught. I long for the day when I can tell my daughter she can walk home at night without fear. I wish our son’s understanding of consent could be innate, but it appears that’s not the case. So, we’ll continue to equip them with these vital skills, hoping that society evolves to meet them halfway.
For more insights on parenting and family life, check out some of our other blog posts, including articles on home insemination techniques at Intracervical Insemination and advice from the experts at UCSF’s Center. If you’re considering starting a family, Make a Mom has great resources on home insemination kits.
In summary, preparing our children for the world involves imparting life skills that promote respect, love, and self-worth. Although we can’t shield them from all of life’s complexities, we can guide them to navigate it with confidence and empathy.