The Guidelines of Toddler Club

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Welcome to Toddler Club, a realm where adults are mere spectators.

1. Confidentiality is Key: The first rule of Toddler Club is that you do not discuss Toddler Club.
2. Reinforce the Silence: The second rule mirrors the first: no talking about Toddler Club.
3. The Bathtime Dilemma: When it’s time for a bath, express strong dissent. Once in the bath, vehemently protest leaving it.
4. The Default Response: If posed a question, respond with a firm “no.” The only exception occurs when asked, “Would you like a treat?”
5. Bedtime Negotiations: Delay going to bed at all costs. Ask questions, request water, claim the need to use the bathroom, demand a story, or ask for a pillow or new pajamas. The goal is simple: Never go to bed.
6. Crisis Amplification: If a younger sibling begins to cry, amplify the situation by crying louder to maximize household anxiety.
7. The Culinary Switcheroo: When pasta is served, immediately request pizza. If pizza is provided, revert back to demanding pasta.
8. The Clothing Standoff: Never comply with a single clothing request. Multiple reminders are necessary.
9. Meal Misconceptions: Understand that dinner can be breakfast and vice versa. Do not be misled by traditional meal definitions.
10. Parental Persuasion: If one parent declines a request, try the other. If they also say no, claim that the first parent agreed.
11. The Messy Eating Principle: It’s crucial to ensure that not all food ends up in your mouth; clothing should also partake in the meal.
12. Crust Caution: Maintain a healthy skepticism towards anything that contains a crust; rinds are not allies.

In solidarity,
Toddler Management

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Summary: This article humorously outlines the unwritten rules of Toddler Club, portraying the unique challenges and tactics of toddlers from negotiating bath time to dinner preferences. It emphasizes the need for parents to navigate these whimsical yet demanding behaviors with a sense of understanding and patience.