In my years as a nurse, I have witnessed countless births, and one truth remains: each experience is unique, even for the same mother. From smooth vaginal deliveries to rapid labors and lengthy journeys that end in C-sections due to “failure to progress,” every labor story is different. I have observed mothers who vocalize their pain, those who request epidurals at the first hint of discomfort, and some who appear almost serene, only revealing their labor through subtle movements.
Likewise, the process of bonding with a newborn varies from mother to mother. When I was expecting my second child, I was well aware that not every mother feels an instant connection with their baby. I understood that it’s perfectly normal to need time to establish that bond, and I knew it would come eventually. However, I never anticipated that I would find myself struggling to bond with my own son.
My first labor was relatively quick, lasting only six hours. My daughter came into the world with a robust cry and was placed against my skin immediately after birth. In that moment, I felt an immediate connection as we locked eyes and she instinctively sought out the breast. Despite the challenges of labor, that initial moment was unforgettable.
However, my experience with my son was vastly different. I was constantly exhausted, juggling long shifts at work and caring for my lively toddler. I had no time to reflect on the life growing inside me. Doubts crept in: Would I have enough love for another child? Would I bond with a son as deeply as I did with my daughter? What kind of man would he grow to be? My worries were compounded by the logistics of living in a rural area with unpredictable weather conditions, making me anxious about reaching the hospital in time.
When labor began, it came on swiftly and with intense pain. My doctor later explained that my body hadn’t adequately prepared for such a quick delivery. After a challenging birth, I found myself in shock—overwhelmed, hungry, and even a little frustrated. The warm, immediate connection I expected didn’t materialize when my son was placed on my chest. Instead, I felt numb and unsure of how to love another child.
The first six months with my son were incredibly tough. I was drained from trying to engage my spirited preschooler while managing a newborn who was anything but easy. Guilt weighed heavily on me—I felt like I was misreading my son’s cues and that I was somehow failing him. I even blamed myself for not breastfeeding for a full year and for not handling motherhood better. After all, I was a labor and delivery nurse—wasn’t I supposed to have an advantage?
I was aware that difficulties in bonding could happen, and deep down, I suspected I might be experiencing postpartum depression. Yet, I kept it to myself, even distancing myself from my husband. I felt a need to maintain control and thought my professional background would somehow insulate me from these struggles.
Admitting that my initial experience with my son wasn’t perfect has been challenging. However, I am learning to accept that love can develop over time. It may not have been the overwhelming love at first sight, but rather a gradual unfolding, like a slow dance where we both had to learn the steps. In its own way, our bond is infinite and will continue to evolve as we grow together.
Now, as my son approaches his 1.5 birthday, my heart swells with joy whenever he looks at me. He calls me “Mom” and offers me open-mouthed kisses. He brings me books to read, and we share playful chases around the kitchen. These seemingly small moments, which many may take for granted, now hold a profound significance for me. All the challenges, the guilt, and the pain I experienced during his first year have ultimately strengthened our connection.
I love my son deeply—and I always have. It just took me a little while to recognize it.
For those navigating similar journeys, you might find helpful resources, such as this article on bonding with your baby, or learn about fertility supplements at Make a Mom. Additionally, Rmany provides excellent insights into pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Bonding with a newborn can take time, and it is completely normal. Each mother’s experience is unique, as are the journeys of labor and postpartum adjustment. Embracing the slow development of love can lead to a deeper connection over time, and recognizing one’s feelings is a crucial step toward healing.