We were at the pediatrician’s office, seated in a bustling waiting area next to a colorful fish tank. A little girl, around the same age as my eldest (about six), approached us, accompanied by her mother.
Within moments, the girl leaned in toward my toddler, positioning her face close to my daughter’s and attempting to embrace her as children often do. As always, I stepped in, gently guiding the girl away from my little one and shifting my daughter to a more comfortable spot. “Could you please give her a bit of space?” I said with a polite smile.
The girl seemed unfazed, as kids often are. Thankfully, her mother didn’t appear to mind too much either. After a brief silence, she remarked, “She just likes to show affection, you know?”
I understand. Children are naturally affectionate beings, often disregarding social boundaries and personal space. In theory, it’s a lovely aspect of childhood. However, reality complicates this notion.
There are clear reasons, such as the potential spread of germs and illnesses. I mean, we were in a pediatrician’s waiting room—arguably one of the germiest places around! I hesitate to let my children touch the furniture, let alone engage in physical contact with other kids there.
But it goes deeper than that. I wish we didn’t need to instill concepts of consent in our children before they can even articulate a full sentence. Unfortunately, the world we live in necessitates it. As a mom raising three little girls, this is a vital lesson.
Even though my toddler cannot voice her preferences, she is deserving of respect regarding her personal space. She is under no obligation to accept hugs, snuggles, or any kind of physical contact—especially from strangers—just because she’s small and adorable.
This lesson extends beyond just her. My older daughter also enjoys cuddling and playing with her younger sister. Yet, I intervene every time. Being siblings does not grant them the right to invade each other’s personal space without consent. It’s essential, period.
It’s important to note that we are a very affectionate family. We share plenty of hugs, kisses, and cuddles. The aim is not to suppress expressions of love but rather to foster an understanding of appropriate behavior surrounding them. If my little one is playing and someone encroaches on her space without asking, that is not acceptable. Conversely, if she willingly gives a hug after being asked, that’s a different scenario.
We emphasize that hugs and kisses should never be taken without permission. We teach our children that it’s perfectly okay to assert their boundaries, even when others claim they are simply trying to express love.
True affection stems from respect, and it’s our responsibility to teach our children how to grant it and expect it in return. So, don’t be surprised if I prevent your child from hugging my toddler or gently remove their hands from my baby. If my six-year-old consents to hug your child but they squeeze too tightly—which, let’s face it, kids do—I’ll step in to remind both of them that affection must be respectful.
I never want my children to feel pressured into uncomfortable situations out of politeness or because they lack the words to express themselves. Furthermore, I want to ensure they don’t inadvertently place someone else in that same predicament.
If my daughters, and every other child, grow up understanding the importance of honoring their feelings and bodies, and demanding the respectful physical boundaries they deserve while being considerate of others’ boundaries, we will have achieved something meaningful.
This post originally appeared on Her View From Home.
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Summary:
This article discusses the importance of teaching children about personal boundaries and consent, particularly regarding physical affection. The author shares a personal experience at a pediatrician’s office, emphasizing that children should not feel obligated to accept hugs or physical contact, even from peers. It highlights the need for respect in all physical interactions and the vital role parents play in instilling these values in their children.