On a recent morning, I received a call from my daughter Mia’s math teacher. She expressed concern about Mia, who usually excels in math, showing signs of distress in class. According to her teacher, Mia had been tearful and seemed to shut down when faced with challenging concepts. After our discussion, I was taken aback by what Mia revealed.
She confided that fear held her back from speaking up in class. Instead of clarifying her doubts, she preferred to sit quietly and cry. “Mom, I just can’t be as strong as you,” she said, “I don’t know how to speak up like you do.” At that moment, I realized that although Mia is my daughter, I hadn’t equipped her with the tools to express herself confidently. I want her to be assertive, capable of stating her needs without hesitation, and to be respectful but firm.
With the bright future ahead of her, it’s my responsibility to instill a sense of empowerment within her. Just as I taught her to ride a bike and tie her shoelaces, I’ll guide her toward embracing her inner strength. Here’s how I plan to do it:
- Encourage Her to Stop Apologizing Excessively
While I don’t want her to avoid genuine apologies, I aim to help Mia eliminate phrases like “I’m sorry, but…” from her vocabulary. She needs to understand that her opinions and ideas are valid and that she should never feel the need to undermine her contributions with unnecessary disclaimers. - Promote Critical Thinking and Questioning Authority
When Mia feels wronged, whether it be on the playground or in the classroom, I want her to articulate her feelings. Learning to voice her concerns now will empower her to advocate for herself as an adult, whether she’s negotiating a raise or pursuing a promotion she deserves. - Teach Her That She Doesn’t Have to Please Everyone
If Mia walks down the street and feels confident, I want her to know she is not obligated to smile or respond to unwelcome attention. She has every right to express her feelings, even on tough days, without worrying about what others think. - Instill the Importance of Speaking Up
After an uncomfortable encounter with a stranger, Mia instinctively chose politeness over her gut feeling. Since that day, we’ve practiced assertive phrases she can use in uncomfortable situations. We’ve worked on finding her strong voice, so she knows how to protect herself. - Help Her Find Her Supportive Community
Recently, Mia attended a themed book release party and lit up when she saw others dressed like her. I want her to always recognize her support system—those who lift her up and help her navigate life’s challenges. Life is too short to spend time with those who don’t enrich her journey.
A few weeks after our conversation about her struggles, Mia rushed into the kitchen, holding a perfect math test with a grin on her face. “I’m going to speak up more often, Mom! This feels amazing!” I couldn’t have been prouder.
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Summary:
Raising a daughter who confidently voices her opinions is a vital part of her development. By encouraging her to stop unnecessary apologies, question authority, embrace her emotions, speak up in uncomfortable situations, and find a supportive community, we can empower her to navigate life with strength and assertiveness.