“The expectation for working mothers is quite specific: to perform at work as if they have no children while parenting as if they have no job.” – Jessica Lane
The women who came before us—our mothers and grandmothers—were instrumental in shaping the landscape of our current society. They organized, advocated, and fought for women’s rights, particularly the right to earn a living for their families. In many respects, their efforts were fruitful; women now comprise nearly half of the labor force. In Canada, over 75% of women aged 25-54 are employed.
As beneficiaries of their struggle, we have been led to believe that we can achieve anything—that we can truly “have it all.” Consequently, we strive for this ideal. More women are attaining advanced degrees than ever before. Yet, despite breaking new ground in the professional sphere, we still shoulder a disproportionate share of childcare and household responsibilities. As a working mother, it’s hard not to wonder, “Is this what they fought for?”
The reality is that the concept of “having it all” often translates to doing it all.
To have a rewarding career, one must manage their role as a mother without letting it interfere with work. This requires extra effort to prove that ambition remains intact post-children.
- Be an engaged primary caregiver: volunteer at school, join the PTA, coach sports teams, and organize elaborate birthday celebrations.
- Handle meal prep, cleaning, scheduling, appointments, shopping, and social engagements.
- Maintain a regular exercise routine, nurture your relationship with your partner, and carve out time for self-care.
With so many responsibilities, it feels like the slightest disruption could lead to chaos. We are merely one unexpected sick day away from potential collapse.
After five years of navigating motherhood, I can confidently say something must give. The truth is, we cannot do it all, and it’s time to abandon the pretense. Our mothers and grandmothers fought for choice, not for an unyielding obligation to accomplish everything.
You can choose to fully commit to a demanding career and delegate childcare and household duties. Alternatively, consider shifting to a part-time role, understanding that your professional aspirations may need to be placed on hold. Another option is self-employment, which, while appealing, can complicate the pursuit of true breaks. Or, decide to become a stay-at-home parent, acknowledging the long-term impact on your earning potential. Each of these choices is valid, yet none are without challenges.
Release the notion that your home must always be immaculate, that bake sale treats should be homemade, or that you should revert to your pre-baby physique. Prioritize what truly matters to you and let go of the rest. We often measure ourselves against idealized standards, which are simply unattainable.
In an ideal world, achieving work-life balance would transcend being a popular buzzword. Flexible work arrangements wouldn’t hinder career advancement, and women wouldn’t disproportionately bear the burden of household and childcare tasks. Until we reach that point, we must stop exhausting ourselves in pursuit of the elusive goal of “having it all.”
For those interested in exploring further, consider checking out this blog post on home insemination techniques, or visit Make a Mom for comprehensive resources on insemination kits. Additionally, UCSF’s Center for Reproductive Health is an excellent source for pregnancy-related information.
In summary, while the fight for women’s rights has opened many doors, the myth of “having it all” places unrealistic expectations on mothers today. Acknowledging our limitations and making conscious choices regarding our careers and family responsibilities can pave the way for a more balanced life.