I know which child drifts off to sleep on her back and which one wakes up desperately hungry. I recognize the one who craves cuddles and the other who prefers her space. I can identify their footsteps as they scamper down the hallway, giggling through their playful mischief. I understand who loves to color and who gets lost in the wonders of imaginary worlds. I cherish the little secrets they share with me while we sit on the porch, watching the rain dance down.
I sit on the floor, immersed in their imaginative creations and their excitement over the tallest tower they’ve ever constructed. I break into spontaneous dances during the day when we all need a little silliness. I shower them with kisses, hugs, and encouragement, reminding them, “Sweetheart, don’t you know how brave you are?”
I am a loving mother.
Yet, sometimes things go awry—something spills, or a toy falls. They wrestle too hard, take too long to listen, or say words I’ve asked them not to. They push, pinch, or make questionable choices. They act like kids, and I crumble.
In an instant, I transform into the mother I vowed I wouldn’t become; I raise my voice, maybe even yell. My little ones freeze, aware they’ve caught my attention. I’m no longer composed; I’m a shattered, impatient mom who takes out her frustrations on her kids. Suddenly, I feel like the worst mother in the world.
I can’t help but worry that I’m going to mess them up. How can they reconcile the playful, loving mom who’s willing to have ice cream for dinner just because it’s Tuesday with the frustrated one who snaps because they took too long to clean up their shoes?
The sudden shift surprises me and makes me question if I’m truly capable of raising my children with love, courage, and confidence. Sometimes, I feel like I’m failing—just plain failing at parenting.
Am I the only one who feels like, despite giving it my all, it’s still not enough?
I can’t be the only mom feeling this way. Can I?
We often compare ourselves to other mothers, keeping a mental checklist of all the ways we fall short: the laundry left unfinished, the projects left undone, the kitchen that’s not spotless. We snap at our kids, forget to return calls, and struggle to savor every moment. We don’t rise early, don’t practice yoga, and don’t prepare every meal from scratch. We’re exhausted, running late, overwhelmed, and barely keeping our heads above water.
We appear to have it all together—until we don’t. We can be patient—until we can’t. We view grace—until we’re blind to it.
It’s precisely at this point that we need to pause and reflect.
The grace hasn’t disappeared; rather, we become incapable of seeing it. When we focus solely on the darkness, we forget about the light.
We perceive ourselves as failures because we measure ourselves against a false ideal. We envision a woman with a perfect marriage, a fitness routine that has her at 9% body fat, cooking organic meals from scratch, maintaining a spotless home, raising well-behaved children, leading the PTA, volunteering, and even delivering meals to neighbors—all while running a non-profit. We create unattainable standards and interpret our shortcomings as failure.
These unrealistic measuring sticks cloud our vision, preventing us from recognizing the grace that illuminates our daily lives. When we begin to reject these impossible standards, we create enough light to pierce through the darkness, allowing us to see the beauty all around.
Mom, you might feel like you’re failing.
But you’re not.
You’re doing wonderfully!
Your children don’t need a mom who’s frazzled, constantly striving for perfection, or comparing herself to others. They need a mom who lives boldly, loves deeply, and embraces the messy moments.
We don’t have to worry about maintaining a perfect façade or living up to impossible expectations. All we need is to fill our small moments with immense love.
Small moments of love are waking up each day, splashing in the pool with little ones, and preparing meal after meal. They remind us that every bit of our lives matters and that it’s often in the ordinary where grace resides. Small moments of love help us breathe, take the next step, and view this incredible journey of parenting—exhausting yet magical.
Love is greater, deeper, and wilder than we ever imagined. It’s strong when we carry our babies and tender when we soothe a scraped knee or comfort a hurt heart. Love is both exhausting and courageous, always whispering that it’s what truly prevails.
Love acts, love matters, and love is what your children see when they look at you.
So, dear mamas, you are not failing. You love your children fiercely. Silence those voices of inadequacy telling you that you should be doing more. Instead, embrace yourself wholeheartedly. Keep doing your best and approach each small task with great love. Then look around at the beautiful life you’ve built and notice the stars shining brightly.
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Summary:
This piece reflects on the struggles of motherhood, emphasizing the importance of self-love and recognizing grace in the chaos. It encourages moms to silence the internal critic and embrace the beauty in small moments of love, while acknowledging that they are doing a great job despite societal pressures and unrealistic standards.