Oct. 1, 2023
During my pregnancy with my second son, I found myself consumed by worries about my first child. Would there be enough affection to share? Was I doing him a disservice by splitting my time and attention? Had we truly made the right choice in expanding our family?
When his brother arrived, my oldest son, who was just three at the time, eagerly asked to hold him. We gently placed the newborn in his lap, and I held my breath in anxious anticipation. As he delicately counted those tiny pink toes, he leaned in and offered, “Do you want some of my gummy bears?” Given that toddlers are not known for their sharing nature, I began to feel a wave of relief wash over me, hoping this was the start of a lovely bond.
Now, fast forward to the present: they’re 11 and 8 years old, and we’ve welcomed two more brothers into the family, which means that a bit of squabbling is just part of our daily routine. Like typical boys, they wrestle and pummel each other with playful ferocity, only to find themselves a few moments later, nestled together on the couch, piled up in a cozy heap. They lay so close—one head resting on a brother’s shoulder and limbs sprawling over each other—that it reminds me of how twins snuggle together in the womb. Despite having their own beds, they often choose to cram onto a twin mattress, with feet and elbows dangling off the edges, mere inches apart from each other. However, if one dares to invade the other’s bubble in the car or at the dinner table, it’s almost as if a war has been declared. Go figure!
They relish giving each other a hard time, teasing about crushes, mispronounced words, and even the occasional nose-picking habit. Yet, when someone outside the family dares to poke fun, they quickly unite to defend one another. It’s as if they have a mutual agreement: they can tease each other all they want, but no outsider should dare to cross that line. In this way, the adage “You are your brother’s keeper” truly comes to life, and even the shyest of the lot stands up for his brothers when it matters most.
Their bond is as beautiful as it is profound. It’s the moments when one saves his allowance for weeks to buy a gift for his brother, convinced “he’s going to love this, Mom.” It’s the way one can’t help but cry when he sees his brother upset. It’s sharing a favorite snack, gifting a rare Pokémon card, or offering help with homework when the struggle is real. It’s riding a bike slowly so that the younger brother can keep up, all while they might have just declared each other “the most annoying person ever” or even flippantly said, “I wish you had never been born!”
I could craft an entire book on the nuances of brotherly love, and still, it wouldn’t fully capture its depth. But there was one moment between my two oldest boys that encapsulates it perfectly. One morning, they were lounging on the couch when my toddler turned to his big brother and exclaimed, “Ryan, I love you so much.” My heart melted, and I instinctively paused to observe.
“I love you more, Jake,” Ryan replied sweetly. (By now, I was practically a puddle on the floor.)
“No, I love you more,” insisted Jake.
“I love you more, more, more,” Ryan countered, a hint of challenge creeping into his voice.
“Noooo,” Jake exclaimed, growing agitated. “I love you more more more more more.”
Ryan shot back, “I love you more more more more more mooooore!”
Eventually, Jake was red-faced and shouting, “NO RYAN! I LOVE YOU MORE!”—and I had to step in to separate them as the argument escalated into tears. All over who loved whom more. Oh, the irony!
Brothers can be, at different times, fierce adversaries and the best of allies. They are built-in companions, and sometimes sparring partners. They are each other’s first best friends, imparting lessons about love, loyalty, compassion, and compromise. If you’ve ever had the joy of witnessing this unique connection, you’ll understand just how deep and unbreakable it is… even when it leads to a bit of chaos.
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Summary
The bond between brothers is a complex mix of love, rivalry, and support. Through playful teasing and fierce defense, they teach each other valuable lessons about loyalty and compassion. Moments of affection, even amidst squabbles, highlight the beauty of their unique relationship.