Ah, children. They truly are a blessing, aren’t they? Remember those carefree days before you arrived? The days when we could buy nice things and place them exactly where we wanted, knowing they’d remain untouched? Ah, those were the days.
Now, with you around, it seems everything has turned upside down. Our home, our car, even our sanity has taken a hit. It appears you all possess a unique talent for finding and obliterating everything I once cherished. So, I’ve decided to pen a little “open letter” to you. Not that you’ll actually read it, but it feels good to vent. Plus, it’s open, just like all my half-eaten snacks that go stale in two days.
My dearest, most beloved children,
You are the highlight of my life, the reason I smile each day, and also the source of my delightful madness. I love having you around, but sometimes, I wish I could have my space back. Motherhood hasn’t exactly turned me into a perpetual doormat, you know. Believe it or not, some things are still mine. Here are just a few things I really wish you would steer clear of:
My Bed
When you were little, I gladly welcomed your footie-pajama-clad bodies into our bed. But now? You’re practically giants! With all the sweating, drooling, and random flailing, it feels like I’m sharing my bed with a boxing champion.
My Guest Bathroom
This is my precious sanctuary, the one corner of our home that still resembles my pre-kid life. It’s filled with white, monogrammed towels, luxurious soaps, and absolutely no toothpaste smudges on the mirror. So when you rush in after school and use it as your personal restroom, my eye starts twitching. You have your own bathroom, for goodness’ sake! Can’t I have just one room that remains untouched?
My Purse
Every time I turn around, you’re rummaging through my bag for my phone or some spare change. Just so you know, my purse is not a garbage can! If you think you’d enjoy finding banana mush and crumpled candy wrappers in your bag, then parenthood may be your thing!
My Phone
Why is my phone always dead when you need it? Because while I’m trying to enjoy a rare adult conversation, you’re busy streaming shows or snapping a hundred selfies. Thanks a lot!
My Bedroom/Closet/Nightstand
Unless you’re keen on discovering that box of baby teeth, letters to Santa, or my, um, “unique” collection of toys, I recommend you steer clear. And that thing you found? It’s not a mini lightsaber!
My Makeup
This is mainly directed at my daughter, of course. Unless my son decides to join a goth band or something, I’d appreciate it if you could leave my makeup alone.
My Good Chocolate
Feel free to munch on those leftover Tootsie Rolls from last Halloween, but leave my fancy Swiss truffles be. You wouldn’t like them; they’re… spicy.
My Plate
It doesn’t matter what I’m eating, you always want a bite! Then you remember you only like food that’s beige and slathered in ketchup. Thanks for the spit-back on my plate; I was done anyway.
My Good Scissors
I used to have a fantastic pair of scissors. Now, I’m stuck trying to cut coupons with some kid scissors covered in banana goo.
My Adult Conversations
It’s incredibly challenging to give a friend advice during a tough time when all I hear is, “Mom, come look at my poop! It’s green!” Why is it that you only need my attention when I’m trying to have an adult conversation?
Someday, when I’m old and gray, you’ll be here packing up my belongings and might say, “Oh, Mom, we’re sorry for ruining your house and dreams.” And then you’ll probably put me in a home, visiting once a week to pilfer the Jell-O off my tray.
If I’m lucky, you’ll bless me with grandkids just like you, and those little rascals will surely take their revenge on you!
With love,
Mom
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Summary
In this humorous and heartfelt letter, a mother expresses her struggles with the chaos children bring to her life. From her bed to her guest bathroom, every corner of her home feels invaded. Despite the challenges, her love for her kids shines through as she shares her hopes for the future.