A few weeks ago, my eldest daughter decided to go skydiving with her friends. As they leaped from a perfectly functional airplane, I found myself, two hours away, anxiously refreshing my phone for updates on her safe return. This is just part of the parenting journey. The moment I became a parent, my instincts honed in on protecting that tiny infant in my arms—only for them to quickly discover thrilling (and often risky) ways to test those boundaries.
I did everything by the book: childproofing outlets, securing car seats, locking up potentially dangerous chemicals, and talking about the internet, drugs, and safe relationships. Yet, despite my best efforts, my children still found ways to get injured, damage the car, and make questionable decisions. From their first wobbly steps (which led them right into the coffee table) to the inevitable scrapes from bike spills, it often felt like I was perpetually wrapped in bubble wrap only for them to toss it aside and create chaos.
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I once put my 3-month-old down for a nap and, in a moment of inspiration, decided to paint the window frames upstairs. When my husband came home for lunch, he unknowingly locked me in. Panic set in as I realized I was trapped, miles away from my baby, with no phone to call for help. I contemplated the potential fallout if I jumped out of the second-story window. In a moment of desperation, I tried to break down the door (it doesn’t work like it does in the movies). The only person around was a teenager playing basketball, who thankfully rushed over to my aid, letting himself into my home and freeing me. (Clearly, he had missed the Stranger Danger memo.)
The same child had once locked herself in her room as a toddler, and I sat outside, fingers grazing the door, desperately fumbling for a key. There’s nothing more agonizing than being unable to reach your child in their moment of need.
Consider the parents of chronically ill children, who watch their little ones being wheeled into procedures time after time. Or those enduring the painful waiting game of adoption, navigating through bureaucratic hurdles. Or divorced parents trying to co-parent with an irresponsible ex. None of us truly understands this emotional rollercoaster until we’re on it ourselves.
A friend recently shared her fears after dropping her child off at college, expressing worries about not being able to help her daughter if something went wrong. I can relate; my daughter is set to study abroad next semester, and I feel those familiar pangs of anxiety, especially with the news highlighting various global crises. Yet, I know that fear shouldn’t dictate our parenting. Marianne Williamson reminds us, “Love is what we’re born with; fear is what we learn here.”
Parenting is inherently filled with risks. From the moment they arrive, we perform a delicate balancing act: keeping them close while encouraging them to explore the world. The ultimate goal is to prepare them for independence, allowing them to soar while we gradually step back.
Growing up in the ’70s and ’80s, I was free to ride my bike without a helmet and drink from the garden hose. The concept of overprotectiveness was virtually nonexistent. I advocate for letting kids climb trees, run barefoot, and experience life’s ups and downs. Sure, there are moments of sheer panic when we can’t shield them from every possible danger. Did we really think parenting would be all sunshine and rainbows? We can’t let the obsession with safety overshadow the joys of life, especially in a world that thrives on fear. Failure should not be taboo; it is often the best teacher.
The beauty of risk lies in the growth it fosters: connection, creativity, and a vibrant life. Sometimes, we must release our grip on the bike and let them ride solo. After all, parenting should be about helping them take flight, not holding on tightly out of fear.
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Summary:
Allowing children to take risks is essential for their growth and development. While it’s natural to want to protect them, embracing the potential for failure can lead to significant learning experiences. The challenges of parenting often teach us to balance safety with the need for independence, ultimately helping our children flourish.